


The Numbness of Being

by gxldentears



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Muggle, Character Death, Drug Use, Eventual Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, F/M, Gangs, Jily Challenge, Lesbian Marlene McKinnon, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:28:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 31,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28757364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gxldentears/pseuds/gxldentears
Summary: In an Alternate Universe with no magic, two men come together through their struggles and find shelter. Remus John Lupin discovers healthier coping mechanisms and Sirius Orion Black understands that, though he may be plagued by his past, he can find good in the cruel world he'd known as a child.There are characters in this that are my own, like Josef and Ophelia.I do not own the 'Harry Potter' series - that unfortunately belongs to JK Rowling.@-gxldentears- is my Wattpad account.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 19
Kudos: 15





	1. - Lunch Break -

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wolfstar_stan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfstar_stan/gifts).



The click of a lighter filled the silence and the heat of the manufactured flame chased the cold away. The sizzle of fire on paper made for a distraction while a man inhaled from the roll that lazily sat between his fingers. Tendrils of grey smoke oozed from the plump, chapped lips of a twenty year-old. Rain splattered onto the uneven concrete. The cigarette filled him with the warmth he craved so often.

The warmth that he substituted for appreciation and care.

Each inhalation a sedative for his racing mind. Each exhalation cast the smoke of regrets and 'what ifs' away. He knew, however, that they would return to him after and mock him for believing in some small thing that could possibly save him from himself and his mistakes.

Inhale. Hold. Exhale. Repeat.

He continued this until his cigarette died out. His lunch breaks consisted of him leaving, lighting his poison, relaxing, then going back to work. Soon, the object was no more and the man stubbed it out. The sky was dull and the sun was a dim feature in the heavens above, setting a soft light over everything. It was dreary and mundane, much like him. The man who was admired for his bravery and recklessness now felt like a shell. A shell that got up, went through the motions, then retired to bed again only to get a few measly hours of sleep.

"Your break's over, mate," somebody called from behind him. It was time to go back to work. Truthfully, he found the job tedious and boring - most of the time was spent talking to teens who would make a ridiculous order just to post it onto their social media accounts - but he couldn't bring himself to quit. He walked in through the back door and made a bee-line for the sink where he washed his hands. The water came over him. Soap suds formed quickly and left just as fast. The tear of a paper towel filled his head just as the sound of delicate patting from the rain outside did.

"Sirius, could you take the next order?" a female called from the next room.

"Sure, Lily, I'll be right out," Sirius assured, throwing the paper towel in the bin.

The man, Sirius, had his shoulder length hair tied up in a bun. His pale hands were littered with bruises, but nobody ever said anything about it. They didn't have to. He moved gracefully as he slid his work apron on over his black t-shirt and tied it around his thin frame. He washed his hands again, dried them, then started walking. One step. Two steps. Three steps. He reached the door, "Time to face the world," he mumbled to himself as he plastered a smile to his face.


	2. - Hot Chocolate -

_Ding Ding._

He hated the sound of that bell - it was loud and obnoxious, like the world around him.

A man with sandy brown hair and three scars that ran diagonally over his face stepped into the coffee shop - instant warmth greeted him, enveloped him in a gentle caress; he sighed and joined a queue. The man rubbed his hands together for extra warmth while he waited.

"Next please?"

He stepped forward and looked down to find a pair of stormy silver-grey eyes meeting his reddened ones. He felt self conscious.

"Can I take your order?" The man's voice was hoarse, as if he had screamed for an hour before speaking, and had a slight French aristocratic lilt to it; behind the scent of the coffee shop, he smelled like cigarettes, leather, and petrol, with an undertone of expensive shampoo.

The man with the sandy hair noticed that the other man in front of him was really rather attractive, and his ebony hair spilled from the Crown of his head in gentle curls. His skin was pale and barely flawed; only a white, raised scar ran in a diagonal - the highest point on the left - over his right eyebrow, and his knuckles were bruised. The man's lips were full, and--

"Sir?"

"A, uh, h-hot chocolate for me please," he stuttered, pulling himself out of his thoughts.

"Size?" the man at the counter asked. To be honest, he sounded rather intimidating. Perhaps it was rather bad to think, but his appearance made up for it.

"Large, please."

"To-go?"

"No, thank you."

"Sure, I'll sort it out. That will be," he looked to the prices, an almost bored expression over his face. Still, his eyes nearly looked human. "£1.50 please."

The mysterious man with the scars nodded and paid in cash.

"Name?"

"Remus."

"It will be along shortly," he said and Remus nodded before heading to the 'waiting area'. The smell of coffee, tea, and anything else the shop sold relaxed him.

A few minutes passed and suddenly his name was called, so he headed to the collection point. On arrival, he thanked the worker - Sirius, it said on his badge - and moved toward the table next to the window.

Remus took a deep breath before lifting the mug of the hot, steaming drink to his lips. As he swallowed, he felt his eyes close in some sort of pleasure. After having a bad month, his friend had attempted to persuade him to take some time off from work for his mental health. Unfortunately, in the place of his work, his boss needed help with a lot of things such as re-shelving books and opening packages-- which meant that taking time off was not really an option; sure, there were other employees but his boss didn't value any like him. So, on Friday, fourth of November twenty-sixteen, Remus sat in the coffee shop.

Somebody cleared their throat behind him, "Remus."

He looked up and shook his head minutely. He whispered, "Lily. Hello."

The woman he addressed was clothed in baggy black cargo pants and a long-sleeved purple top that clung to her slim torso. The white of her apron had been stained by coffee and other liquids but it wasn't messy. Lily smiled at him, her irises, certainly the colour of the most cherished emerald, disappearing as they narrowed, and pushed some of her ginger hair behind her ear - the movement caused her long hair to sway near her waist, where the ginger locks came to an end in a soft twist. She wasn't very tall.

"Are you okay, Remus?" Lily asked as she made her way to sit down opposite him, and when he shook his head she sucked in a sharp breath while furrowing her eyebrows. Lily reached out to touch his hand, "I'm sorry to hear that..."

Remus shrugged and glanced down to where her hand touched his own. He said, "It's nothing. My dad just had another go at me and it got a bit..." the nineteen year old trailed off and pulled his hand away as he saw the man at the counter staring at them. "Lils, that guy--"

"Don't mind him," Lily said. She knew exactly who Remus was mentioning, "He's probably just deep in thought."

Remus nodded, then set his mug back on the table, and yawned. The man was incredibly tired from not getting more than six hours of sleep that _week_. Lily slipped something into his pocket, sighing. "I know that you're about to tell me that I need more sleep," Remus said. "I'm trying... it's just hard to."

Lily, in a sudden worry, stared down at his arm that was covered by his cardigan sleeve, asked, "You haven't been..."

"No! No, sorry, Lily. I haven't, everything is fine." The woman eyed him, frowning. She knew that it would only take little more for him to break down - she hated that there wasn't much that she could do for him in terms of helping him apart from being the one that he could message or call when he needed it.

Remus felt her gaze on him, as well as the counterboy's, and drained the rest of the liquid from his cup. "I'm so tired, Lils."

"I know, Ray."

He offered her a weak smile, then stood, "Do me a favour, yeah? Tell short, dark and handsome to take a picture."

Lily tilted her head to the side, smirking at the use of the phrase describing Sirius. "It'll last longer," she finished for him and glanced to the clock. "Well, we'd better get back to work. I'll call you later, okay?"

"Of course, but I might give James a ring first-- wait, I'll just talk to him on our call. I keep forgetting that you two are, um..." he trailed off as he looked to the ring adorning the ring finger of her left hand.

At this, Lily laughed heartily and stood, walking Remus over to the area to deposit his mug, then hugged him. She said, "I love you."

"I love you too, Lily," he wrapped his arms around her and bent a little to kiss the crown of her head in a friendly fashion. "Have a brilliant day at work, love."

When they separated, the two headed different ways; Remus to the door and out of the warm shop, and Lily to the counter. She nudged Sirius with her elbow and said, "Remus wanted me to deliver a message to you."

"Oh?"

"He said, ' _Take a picture. It'll last longer_ '."

Sirius laughed awkwardly then looked away from Lily, staring at the window. "I don't-- I don't know what you're talking about."

The ginger followed his gaze and found it to be on the sandy-haired man in question, who was looking at his hands where a small white paper rested. He had a smile on his face and looked up, seemingly finding exactly where Lily stood, and mouthed ' _Thank you_ '. Sirius watched, meeting Remus' gaze after a second, and blushed. He smiled at him and waved, which Lily thought was completely awkward. Remus waved back, then left.

Lily turned to Sirius, who had a silly grin on his face, "You're blushing."

"What? Shut up." Apparently that settled whatever that was, and they carried on taking orders and one of them was smiling, genuinely, at the customers. Lily smirked, finding the genuine smile plastered on the too-pale, bruised man, was slightly amusing because his face usually favoured a scowl. Nevertheless, it looked strange in the workplace; it was a 'strange' she liked... and so, it seemed, the customers did, too.

▪》▪》▪》▪》▪》▪》▪》▪》▪》▪》▪》▪》

_Remus I believe in you. Today is a new personal best, I'm proud of you <3 ~ Lily_


	3. - Thank You -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Panic Attack.  
> If you would not like to read that, I suggest you skip from where it says 'The person was folded' and go to 'This time it was Sirius' turn...'

Remus was making small talk with the woman at the till as he scanned the book that she wanted to purchase ('Sophie's World').

No, it wasn't the most titillating conversation one could make but it was certainly friendly.

"Okay, that will be £39.95, please."

The woman looked down into her purse, brown frizzy hair getting in her way, and pulled out two twenty-pound notes and handed them to him.

As he put them away into the till and retrieved her change, he asked, "Would you like a receipt?"

She shook her head and chuckled, "Oh, no, thank you. My husband would question my sanity if he saw that I spent this much on a book."

He smiled.

"I can't help it, I just think that books are wonderful! I just hope that my child will take after me and not my husband in terms of interests..."

"How old are they?" Remus asked, smile more genuine.

"Oh, we don't even know the gender yet," the woman said and glanced down to her stomach. Understanding, Remus nodded. "Well, I'd best be off. It was lovely talking to you..."

"Remus," he supplied. "And it was lovely talking to you, Mrs..."

"Granger." With one final smile, the woman thanked him again and left.

He sighed deeply as he looked at the clock on the wall; 17:50. "Well, Toni, I'm off," he addressed the older man who was sat on the other end behind the till. "Can you close up by yourself?"

The other man muttered something along the lines of 'sure' or 'fine', but Remus wasn't really sure because he had already left the building and started in the way of the coffeeshop he had visited a week prior, and as he arrived the bell above him sounded at the same time as his phone.

 _Ping_.

He checked it.

Lily

> _Heya, I'm sorry but I can't meet straight away - I've had a massive order that I need to take care of. Are you already there?_

**Me**

_< Yeah. I just got there, actually._

Lily

> _Can you wait a little while? I'll be out as fast as I can._

Remus sighed and replied with a simple 'yes' before he shook his head and put his phone into his pocket. He stared at the floor and didn't even realise that he walked over to the counter.

"Sir?"

"Sorry?" Remus asked, confused, then he realised where he was. "Oh, sorry. I'm in a completely different world."

The man at the counter waved a dark hand as if to dismiss what he said and his brown eyes shone with mirth, "It's not a problem."

Remus' lips tugged upward after he asked for a hot chocolate. He was, once again, told to wait elsewhere. Remus let his gaze wander 'round the room and his eyes landed on a particular silver-eyed man. Sirius; he didn't look particularly okay today - he looked tired and his hair was tied messily. Fresh bruises and cuts littered his knuckles, and he looked awfully pale.

Somebody tapped Remus on the shoulder. "You Remus?" a stranger asked and he looked away from Sirius, who was looking around when he heard the name. Then he nodded. "Your drink's ready."

Remus moved over to the counter to collect it and the dark-skinned man asked if he was really okay. He nodded, hand drumming against his leg in a rhythm-less beat. "I'm fine, thanks. Just tired."

The barista nodded, albeit uncertainly, and watched Remus head off to the upstairs seating area. He turned to Sirius and said, "What a strange lad. D'ya reckon he's okay?"

Sirius shrugged, "I'm gonna go make sure he is, but first I gotta wash my hands - I got cream all over them."

"I don't want to know." Sirius pulled a face at his coworker and headed to the staff area to wash the stuff off of his hands, then to dry them. But as he was taking his apron off, he got a little distracted by a tiny spider dragging itself across the floor with one leg trailing behind it, and bent to pick the little thing up. So, feeling guilty for it, he carried it outside, pushing the door open with his back. "There you go, little guy."

The spider fell onto a leaf and started crawling around in a circle. It reminded Sirius of when his dog got disoriented. Then he remembered that he was meant to be checking on Remus and not watching a tiny creature stumble around, and made his way back into the kitchen to once again wash his hands.

When he was done, he started to walk upstairs and was startled when he heard a crash. Sirius quickened his pace as he rushed up the stairs, entering the seating area to find only one person.

That person was folded with one hand on the edge of the table and the other ran repetitively through his hair. The only sounds breaking through the silence was the man's heaving sobs and incoherent words.

Sirius glanced to the floor only to see the white ceramic mug shattered, bleeding its contents, steaming brown liquid pooling around the shards over the tiled floor. There was another whimper after the ping of a notification sounded on his phone.

Sirius ignored that and cleared his throat, "Remus?"

Nothing.

"Can you steady your breathing?" Nothing.

"Can you hear me?"

Nothing.

Sirius nodded and recalled seeing him with Lily the week before and rushed back downstairs, putting a barrier across the stairway to prevent anybody else from entering.

He rushed over to the drink-preparation place and nervously tapped Lily's shoulder. "What is it and can it wait? I'm a little busy right now."

"It's Remus," Sirius said in a frantic tone. "I don't know how to help him."

 _That_ caught Lily's attention and she hurried to finish the hot drinks, while Sirius kept casting his eyes up the stair case.

"Hurry up," he said.

When Lily finally finished, Sirius grabbed her wrist and pulled her with him and slipped the barrier open and close again behind them. Lily slowed their pace as they neared the top - she could hear Remus crying and sudden movements or anything unexpected would just make it worse; Remus didn't even notice them enter, though, and nor did he notice the _Ping_ of his phone.

Sirius released her as she walked a little closer, clearing her throat.

She sat down on the chair opposite him and said, gently, "Remus, I'm here."

Remus, startled by her appearance, looked up with frantic eyes. He searched her face as if to identify her, and when he recognised who she was and realised that she meant no harm, his shoulders relaxed.

Lily inhaled deeply through her nose and held the breath for a few seconds, then she exhaled, and indicated for Remus to do the same. While Remus was busy breathing, Lily gripped Sirius and brought him so sit next to her.

Lily asked, "Can you describe Sirius' eyes to me?"

Steadying his breath and his body, Remus looked to Sirius as clear, silky liquid fell from his eyes, looking like Diamonds under the light. He stared at Sirius' eyes while he thought of what he could say.

"H-his eyes... t-they're silver. Not g-grey because grey's t-too dull. Silver's better b-because they're like t-the stars on a-a dark n-night. Y'know? B-but there are f-flecks of blue-- l-like the ocean... the stars are b-bleeding into the ocean and i-it's beautiful..."

Sirius was taken aback by what Remus was saying. He wasn't all that sure what was happening, but Remus was calming down. That, in his books, was a good thing.

"Do you think you could describe anything else, Remus?" Lily asked. "Anything at all?"

Another deep inhalation. "He looks g-gentle... in his eyes, I m-mean. Gentle but s-so tired."

This time it was Sirius' turn to inhale deeply; a man he barely knew just seemed to know him. It was like Remus could just take a look at him and then know his entire anatomy and his reason for being from that one look into his eyes. It was as if Remus was his creator and understood every last detail of him. Sirius tuned back into the tail-end of what Remus was saying.

"...Looks a-almost numb." The tears had slowed and so had his erratic breathing.

When he looked to be calm enough, Lily asked, "Could you tell me what happened? If you aren't ready, that's okay."

Remus shook his head and told her, "No, it's okay. I--"

 _Ping_.

Nobody missed the way Remus flinched and the despaired look he sent to his phone. Lily's eyes narrowed and she asked, "May I?"

"Fine by me."

As the phone sounded again, Remus' eyes were cast to the ground. Lily looked at Sirius and said, "Take Remus somewhere. I have some work to do."

Sirius nodded, "I'm gonna help you up, okay?" he asked so he didn't alarm Remus when he touched him. "Come on."

Remus allowed himself to be helped up and guided from the shop.

Sirius was still wearing his apron - he hadn't taken it off due to helping that little spider.

"S-sorry about the mug," Remus muttered while they walked, side by side. "It was an accident."

"Don't worry about it."

Sirius looked at the man who had just calmed down, noticing that he was a little bit wobbly on his feet. He considered wrapping an arm around the man to keep him stready, but Remus seemed to be alright after a few seconds.

Remus must have noticed that Sirius had his mouth open because he asked, "Were you about to say something?"

"I, uh-- No."

Remus nodded once, noticing the chill of the air on his body and on the still-wet tear tracks on his cheeks. He shivered and looked up; he saw Lily typing something rather quickly on his phone. Sirius saw her actions as well.

Suddenly, Sirius asked, "What do you do?" The question took him by surprise.

"I, uh, work in a book shop, but I'm thinking of applying to teach a self-defence course in a private school."

Sirius nodded, somewhat surprised. "Which school?"

"Hogwarts. It's, uh, it's in Scotland."

"No way," Sirius scoffed. "I went to school there-- that's where I met Lily! We graduated last year, actually."

"Really?" Remus asked, wanting to find out more; talking about these things helped him to feel better, so he wanted to carry the conversation for as long as he could.

"Yes," Sirius responded. "But I was... ah, let's just say that I wasn't a 'model student'. Lily kept me and the boys in check."

"The boys?" Remus asked.

"Oh, the boys - we were friends who got into trouble much more than we were supposed to and we caused a fair amount of mischief. We called ourselves The Marauders."

Remus let out a breathy laugh and asked, "What type of trouble did you get up to?"

"You know, normal stuff. We would pull pranks and other things along those lines. Anyway, we were a family; Peter, James, another guy, and me."

Remus looked at Sirius, who had a far-away look in his eye. "Are you not still?"

"Sorry?" Sirius asked as he snapped back into reality.

"You said that you 'were' a family... did something happen?"

"Oh," Sirius said. "Well, Peter drifted away from us after the death of our other roommate. Those two were really good pals, you know? He was really shaken up and then he just stopped trying with things... it couldn't be helped, really. I'm on good terms with James, though."

"That's a shame," Remus said as he shoved his hands into his pockets. "But if your other friend stayed on good terms with you, then you know that he's a good one. Of course, my input isn't worth much because I didn't-slash-don't know your friends."

"Well, you know Lily - she's married to my James."

Remus laughed at that, seeing as he did know that James after all. "Mr ' _Arrogant Toe-Rag_ '. I would have never put it together that we knew the same James! The same James that-"

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, wondering what Remus was about to say. Remus assumed that the other man didn't notice or pretended not to.

Sirius barked out a laugh. "Mr and Mrs Arrogant Toe-Rag!"

Remus chuckled lowly. "Beautiful, d'ya reckon we can get that printed on cushions for them?"

Sirius leapt up, akin to how a dog might if he were offered his favourite treat. "We _so_ should! For their ten-year anniversary!"

"I was joking. Blimey."

"But, _Moony_ , I wasn't!" Sirius exclaimed.

Remus tilted his head in puzzlement, "Moony?"

"Yeah! Because your name is Remus... you know, the boy from Roman mythology? As in, Romulus and...?" Remus nodded, understanding that he was referencing the first 'werewolf' from the myth.

It wasn't the worst he had heard in his life.

"Oh, yes. I understand. Do you have anything else I could call you?"

Sirius flushed and looked down, then murmured something that Remus couldn't hear.

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear that," Remus teased.

"Padfoot," he repeated. "I-it's Padfoot... and embarrassing."

"Aw, why's that, Padfoot?"

Sirius glared, but the smile tugging at the corners of his lips showed there was no malice behind it. He said, "I was in my fifth year - fifteen years old - and I had just got back from my girlfriend's dorm (it was in the Hufflepuff House) and when I got back to mine (in the Gryffindor House), James pointed out to me rather loudly that I had a, uh, sanitary pad sticking to my foot."

Remus tried to stifle the oncoming laugh but failed to do so. In between his chuckles he managed to get out, "Nobody told you that... that there was a... pad sticking... to your foot?"

Sirius looked at the man whose smile seemed beautiful and enticing, scars crinkling over his face.

In another moment of spontaneity, Sirius asked, "So how'd you know James and Lily?"

Remus' laugh came to an end and he cast his eyes to the rain-splattered ground and said, "They helped me when I got into trouble when I was sixteen."

The other man could tell there was more to what he was saying, but didn't want to push too far.

"Sirius?" Remus asked after a while.

"Yes?"

"Thank you." Sirius nodded, not quite understanding that those two words meant a whole lot more, but he knew that it stood for more than just a simple ' _thanks_ '.


	4. - Late Night Conversation -

Lily was still awake at eleven pm, lying in the bed by herself.

She felt completely helpless as she stared up to her ceiling as she took a few deep breaths.

The reason for her helplessness was not because she was alone at that moment but because of the news she had to deliver to her husband; James Potter was usually a very understanding man, but sometimes he would take something the wrong way. He often stood by her side for whatever challenge they went through since their school years, even if Lily was stubborn.

That being said, the news should be easy to deliver...

The ginger turned on her side and frowned, not yet used to the fact that James would work night shifts. Lily worried for his safety, however skilled he was... it was just that a policeman of his type often sported black eyes, bruises and split lips.

James could handle himself, however the thought of bruises and split lips brought her mind over to Remus; sometimes he would be bruised or he would limp as if something had done some damage to his leg. She worried for him, she truly did-- that worry only increased when she saw the messages on his phone earlier that day. Messages from his father.

Those words that had appeared onto his screen had been so venomous and crude that it deterred Lily for a second, which was usually hard to do.

His father's messages were full of vindictive phrases and the most hurtful comments. It had all been because of four words that Remus had sent.

Lily was fuming as a message came through before she could even start to type. It had only been six words after a series of spiteful things. Six words that made her blood boil and nearly all rational thoughts fly out the window; _You are not welcome here anymore_. She wasn't surprised, but never had he forced his son from his home.

Lily detested the man.

In response to his text, Lily barely remembered what she had sent but she knew that she had been sensible in response and had been very passive aggressive with her own phrases. She let Lyall, his father, know that there was a place that Remus was staying at, but alluded to no further details on that matter.

Then Lily thought of how refreshed Sirius and Remus looked as they came back from their walk. It was rather sweet, she thought, that they were friendly around each other.

It was when Sirius wandered off to collect his stuff, that she informed Remus that he would be staying with her and James for a while. She did not tell him that this was also because she wanted to keep an eye on him again, seeing as he tended to get himself into trouble if he wasn't thinking properly.

It had been good that Remus agreed to come and stay with them, otherwise who knows where he might have gone? Nowhere good was the answer to that.

Wandering away from the possibilities of what may or may not have happened if Remus went elsewhere, Lily stopped worrying for a second as she heard the front door open and close and two people greeted each other, one sounding more surprised than the other.

Her husband was home; he would go and have a shower, then about half an hour later when Lily was nearly asleep he would climb into bed and pull her against him and kiss her forehead, then they would fall asleep in each other's arms.

As Lily predicted, the sound of water splashing from the shower was projected. It was a sort of white noise to her that she enjoyed listening to because it meant that, soon, her husband would be lying beside her.

Thoughts were never better than reality, though, as reality provided warmth and someone to actually hold.

The sheets rustled and the mattress shifted under the weight of the new person in the bed. Lily felt herself smile as James pulled her close and into a kiss, then he shifted them so that she was curled up as he wrapped, almost protectively, around her. "How come Remus is here?" James asked, voice a little rough.

Her smile dropped, though he couldn't see, and she said, "Lyall overreacted to something."

"Lyall always overreacts, though."

Lily nodded as a heavy sigh escaped her lips. "Remus was told he wasn't welcome back at Lyall's house. I don't- I don't understand how a parent could be so cruel."

James' grip tightened on his wife as anger coursed through him. "Lyall told Remus that..."

Lily shifted to sit up against the wall and so did James - they pulled the quilt with them for warmth as Lily snuggled closer to him.

She said, "Remus told Lyall something and then he flipped... I couldn't believe what I'd read on Remus' phone, James."

"What did Remus say?"

"It isn't my place to tell you, James. But what I can tell you is - I didn't feel that Remus would be safe on his own. I know that he hasn't relapsed in some time but..."

James' hand trailed over Lily's arm and he shook his head. He whispered, "I know."

It was clear to James that Lily was getting more worked up by the minute and it took him by surprise when she said, "It was lucky that Sirius found him when he did."

"Sirius? They know each other?"

Lily nodded, "They met last week. Sirius was really helpful when Remus was panicking - he got me and he was patient with Remus, then he took him around town for a walk."

"You can't be surprised... Sirius comes from a bad family. He's had enough attacks to know or get the idea of how to help someone in that situation."

Lily nodded, a yawn falling from her mouth, before the corners of her lips turned upwards as she rested on James' chest now. His heartbeat calmed her a little and his comforting words did, too. It wasn't just his wife he stood by in difficult situations, it was his friends as well. A sleepy _'I love you_ ' rolled off Lily's tongue as fluently and easily as the waves of the ocean would from each other.

James smiled, "I love you, too, Lily."

One by one, Lily's doubts washed away or were eased by those words and the realisation that, in a few months, there would be a new addition to the household.

A smile claimed her face as she recalled how grateful she was for such an understanding husband. Then she fell asleep in the arms of the man she loved.


	5. - News -

Remus, had he not already been awake, would have woken to the smell of bacon and a thud, which was probably James falling out of bed.

He stood and rolled his neck, pleasantly surprised at the cracking of the bones in his neck.

As he remembered where he was, he smiled and opened the guest room door to navigate through the house and into the kitchen. Upon entering, he found Lily standing by herself with a large smile on her face; Remus wasn't really surprised seeing as it was Christmas in three days, and Lily _loved_ Christmas.

He greeted her with a similar smile on his face, "G'morning, Lily. How are you?"

At the sound of his voice, Lily turned around with a smile on her face and waved. She said, "Good morning, Remus. I trust you slept well?"

He nodded, blinking, and then shook out his arms in a response to the oncoming pins-and-needles. "Yes, I did, thank you."

Lily giggled quietly and turned back to the bacon that needed to be flipped again. She didn't see the other person shuffle into the kitchen.

"Mornin' Remus," he shuffled closer and wrapped his arms around Lily's waist as he pushed his face into her neck. "Lily."

Lily, once again, giggled. "James, gerroff, I'll burn the bacon."

James gasped, "Are you saying that my cuddles are going increase the probability of crispy bacon?"

"Yes, James."

As expected, James kept his arms around Lily and pressed a gentle kiss to her neck. "Cuddles are worth the crispies," he said childishly. "Totally worth it."

Remus chuckled from his new place where he rested against a wall and watched with complete adoration for the married couple. He was grateful to be there with them; James laughed as Lily struggled to stop the cuddles which, according to the messy-haired man, was completely useless - cuddles could not be stopped.

When Lily finally pried herself from James' arms, the food (bacon and beans) was ready to be plated.

After, she turned off the stove and turned to lean against the counter with either arm bent and by her side - her hands gripping the edge for support. A very wide smile graced her face. "James... Remus... I have some news ."

Both men nodded and watched her closely, wanting to know what she was going to say before she said it.

Remus did not miss the hand she put over her stomach, almost in a protective way, but James remained oblivious.

"We'll have somebody else joining us," Lily said through a grin. "Somebody who'll look up to us and respect us... oh, for Pete's sake."

"What's Pete got to do with this?" James asked; Remus could not tell if he was being purposefully obtuse or if he was just having an off day.

Lily seemed to lose her temper for a second and snapped, "James, I'm pregnant!"

James's face dropped and paled impressively. "W-what? When did you f-find out?"

Lily started to worry, then. "I found out last night... James?"

Even though she reached out and caressed his cheek, James didn't respond - he just stood there, his usually rich brown skin looking as if someone had drained it of colour until it looked like a washed-out stain, and his facial expression was one of pure fear... as if everything he stood for had faded away. As if he had just heard the news of a war approaching fast.

Then he looked up.

Lily's cherry-coloured lips now rested, lifeless and limp, and her emerald eyes seemed awfully dull. Empty, almost, and the hand resting on her stomach was tense and so was the one, he had only just noticed, that held his cheek. Maybe she'd been saying something, but all traces of words had left.

"I have to go for a walk," James said, then he moved to the door and then he was gone from view and the house.

Lily stood frozen.

"Are you okay?" Remus asked, biting his tongue after, and watched the colour drain from her face before she turned away from him. The three plates sat on the counter, untouched. 

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm sorry."

Remus sighed and shook his head. "You have nothing to be sorry for. D-Do you need help with anything?"

Lily shrugged, "Let's just eat."

He nodded and took the plates to the table and sat opposite Lily, a little startled as she dug her knife pretty violently into her crispy bacon. "He wanted to have some crispy bacon," Lily whispered. "I hate the stuff but he loves it, then he left."

Remus nodded, eating his own food a little more calmly.

They remained in silence until it was time for them to go to work. But, then - just as they were about to leave - Lily said, "I'm sorry about how your dad behaved yesterday."

He looked down as she took his hand in hers, then he shook his head, "It isn't your fault... he's just old-fashioned in his views. I guess that my being g-gay freaked him out... I should be apologising and thanking you."

Remus was surprised as he was wrapped in a hug, faster than he thought humanly possible. As he stumbled to re-position himself he felt the unmistakable warm wetness of tears soaking through his shirt, and, almost as if it was in his muscle memory, he wrapped his arms around the shorter woman in a protective embrace.

He told her, "He'll be back - I promise."

Then, four hours later at 12:15, Remus left Flourish and Blotts for his lunch break, travelling down the road to the coffee shop.

_Ding ding._

In all honesty, Remus had half a mind to rip that bell off of its hinges, but ultimately decided against it. After all, that action would probably not be appreciated by the store owner.

He let his eyes wander 'round the room and saw Sirius - a grin grew on his face, seamlessly wiping away the weariness and the tired shadows, replacing them with joy. The ragged silvery-purple scars on his face creased at the movement.

Unfortunately (or fortunately) for him, Sirius looked up and made eye contact with the grinning man. His own genuine smile interrupted the recently false one playing on his lips.

Then, after waving awkwardly, Remus stepped to the till and greeted the man.

"Ah, back again?" Sirius asked teasingly.

"Oh, no. This is Agent Keryovchos sent forth from the Battle Fleet of Ketyron, Alpha One."

Sirius smiled, "Oh, how foolish of me! Tell me, O civilised one, are you interested in a tasty beverage called a hot chocolate?"

"Please," Remus laughed as he broke character, then dug his hand into his pocket to receive some money to pay for his drink as he waited.

He watched Sirius as he skillfully worked the machines, and, soon, Remus had a hot card cup in his hands. He tilted his head, trying to remember if he'd asked for it 'to-go' or not; but as he moved to sit down, Sirius tapped his shoulder and then he went and whispered something to a co-worker, who nodded, and nodded his head in a sort of instruction for Remus to follow.

Remus' feet moved before he had a chance to think about it, then he found himself standing in the 'Staff Only' area outside. He raised a brow.

"It's more private here... I just-- I just wanted to see how you were doing today."

Remus looked at Sirius, expression almost one of shock. "S-sorry?"

"Y'know... you were upset - I just wanted to make sure that things were fine with you."

Remus nodded and ran a hand through his hair (that hadn't been brushed) and sighed, "Yeah... yes. I'm fine, thank you for asking."

Sirius looked at Remus, who was prying the lid off from his cup.

He was concerned for the taller man - he was wearing yesteday's clothes that were rumpled and wrinkled, and he just looked incredibly tired. The scars on his face stood dark against his skin. Remus then hung his head, yawning.

Perhaps he sensed Sirius staring, because he asked, "Have you heard Lily's news yet?"

Sirius nodded and reached into a pocket to pull out a box and a lighter. "I'm really happy for her."

"Yes, I am too..." Remus sounded as though he was about to say something else but decided not to.

He frowned.

Sirius nodded in agreement. "Yes... hey, do you want one?"

"No, thanks. I don't smoke."

Once again, Sirius nodded. "It's a shame that James freaked out, but he'll come around - he always does... if that's what you're worried about."

Remus was in the middle of drinking from the cup, so he parted from it and nodded. "I know that he always comes around. I'm just worried about what he'll..."

"Do?" Sirius supplied.

Remus sighed and wished for a change of subject, the conversation shifting to what James might or might not do when he was out was making him anxious. He also realised that Lily had probably invited him back to hers for that exact reason.

He decided to go out on a limb and ask, "I'm not sure if I'm being too forward here, but could I get your number?"

Sirius seemed to perk up, a smile gracing his features after that conversation. "Sure you can! Do you have a pen so I can write it down? Oh, wait, I have a pen on my apron!"

Sirius continued to ramble until Remus put a large hand onto Sirius' shoulder.

_I'm touching him._

"You could just enter it into my phone, Sirius"

The man being addressed stopped, mid-word, and nodded. He felt rather foolish at that random burst of energy, but Remus didn't look like he was judging anything at all, which he was thankful for.

"I suppose I could, couldn't I?"

Remus nodded and a smile played on his lips as he looked down on Sirius, then he pulled out his phone and unlocked it to hand to Sirius, who found the 'add contact' button and entered in his number with startling speed and precision, when--

 _Ping_.

Remus flinched and prayed - actually prayed - to a God he didn't believe in, that the notification was not from his father.

Fortunately, that prayer was answered and Sirius remarked, "There you go, Moony."

Remus chuckled as he received his phone and said, "Thank you, Padfoot."

The toothy grin on Sirius' face only widened as Remus started to laugh - Sirius watched Remus' face crease with amusement and mirth, when Remus gazed at him and something made him want to laugh, too. He hated to admit it but Remus' laugh was contagious and, soon, they were both giggling about absolutely nothing.

Perhaps Sirius missed it when Remus looked down to his lips, or perhaps he did see it and chose to ignore it. After all, there was nothing there between the two men between a nickname for the other and now an exchanged number.

Then Remus took a sip from the cup he was holding in front of him, with his thumb running over the lid in his other hand. When he finished drinking, his lip was moist and shiny from the now-warm liquid.

Perhaps he missed it when Sirius glanced at his lips... or he just ignored it.

Then they just stared at each other for a second, Remus swallowed. Sirius blinked.

Whatever may or may not have happened was interrupted as a ginger with a cheeky grin on her face poked her head through the double-doors. "Come on, Sirius. You've had enough-- oh, hey, Remus. What brings you here?"

"Him," Remus said, while Sirius said, " _Me_."

"Oh, wow. A double-act," Lily deadpanned. "Come on, you've got work to do."

Sirius tutted, then waved a bruised hand, "You heard what the lady said, Moony. I have work to do."

Remus nodded and smiled, "We all have work to do, Padfoot. I'll message you later?"

Sirius nodded, bouncing on the balls of his feet before he said goodbye (even though Remus had to walk with them to use the proper exit). When Remus looked to his hand, Sirius nodded and went back out to dispose of the cigarette that he'd barely even used, and that made his smile wider because it meant that he hadn't relied on the company of the nicotine for his break.

Still, he went to the kitchen and washed his hands, dried them, then went out and greeted the customer waiting at the till with genuine enthusiasm and a genuine smile.

"Good afternoon, Miss! What can I get you?"


	6. - All I Have To Do -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suggest you listen to The Everly Brothers' 'All I Have To Do Is Dream' as you listen to this chapter.

At precisely five pm that day, James Potter strode into his house and moved into each and every room in it just to find his wife. It was when he entered the kitchen that he found her, staring at the knife that she was washing with some sort of curiosity in her eye.

He cleared his throat.

Lily, not having heard him enter the house, jolted and gripped the knife firmly as she turned around. However, when she saw that it was her husband standing there, she dropped the knife and moved to embrace him.

James' arms wrapped around her and, soon, they were both sobbing as a flood of apologies streamed from his lips.

Lily jumped up and pressed a kiss to his cheek, only for him to pull back and exclaim, "Don't shake the baby!"

Lily chuckled, tears falling from her face. "James, I'm so glad you're back!"

He caressed her cheeks and kissed her forehead, then her nose, and finally her lips. Then his hands were relocated and placed on her hips and then they swayed.

James started, in Tenor, " _Dream. Dream, dream, dream..._ " his wife placed her arms around his neck. He continued, " _When I want you in my arms_."

Lily joined in alto. " _When I want you, a_ _nd all your charms_."

" _Whenever I want you, all I have to do is dream..._ "

The sight playing there and they may remind one of their grandparents, who had been married for over fifty years, singing to and dancing with one another. This, however, was not the case - they were only nineteen and had been married for little over a year.

They took no notice of the front door opening to allow the final resident in.

He heard a tune coming from the kitchen and was curious enough to travel over and peek in to see what was happening. The sight; Lily and James entwined as the danced and sung the 1958 song ' _All I Have To Do Is Dream_ '

The moment was personal and beautiful - so much so that he teared up. Remus turned and left, heading for the guest room.

"I love you," James whispered, voice thick. "I love you so much - I promise to never leave you again. I _promise_ you."

Lily nodded and kissed his cheek. "I love you, too, James."


	7. - Christmas -

On Christmas day, the group (Remus, Lily, James and Sirius) sat in a circle with the electric fire warming up the room and snacks scattered about the floor, however much of a tragic _human_ tradition it was, and 80s Christmas songs played through the radio - it provided some jolly undertone to their conversation _and_ something to dance to.

Lily was grinning the widest as she urged Sirius to open a gift, while she clapped her hands in what one could only describe as excitement.

To her pleasure, Sirius broke out in a grin of his own and thanked her excessively. However, she yelped as she was taken by surprise by him tackling her to the ground.

"Don't squish baby!" James exclaimed, wincing at the sudden movement.

Those in the room laughed at this and Sirius pulled away from Lily and smiled at her, thanking her again. Then he adjusted himself so that he could put his arms through the sleeves of his present; a black leather jacket with a silky-looking red lining. On it, several things had been sewn - a stag's prongs (for James), a doe's silhouette (for Lily), a pawprint (because, "Putting a sanitary pad would be uncalled for, James!"), and a full moon.

Sirius absolutely _loved_ the gift and, when he discovered that the idea for the images as well as the handiwork had been James', he threw himself at his friend to tackle him in a fiercer hug than he had with Lily. And, on impact, all the air was pushed from James' lungs.

He wheezed.

"Don't squish _me_!" James yelled, breathlessly, as he tried to push Sirius off him. This, however, did nothing to stop Sirius from giving him a platonic, very wet, sloppy kiss to the cheek. "Ew, gerroff!"

The two men started to roll around as they had a small play-fight, causing Lily to laugh loudly. Remus leant closer and asked, "Do they do this a lot?"

"Only whenever they see each other."

Remus chuckled and nodded.

Then it was James' turn to laugh; they were all huddled tighter together as Lily opened her gift. It was a book titled ' _How_ ** _N_** ** _ot_** _To Kill Your Baby_ ', and to their surprise she _actually_ looked through it as if she expected it to be an instruction manual about baby safety. Though, as she looked through it, Lily realised that the book was actually ' _A Tale of Two Cities_ ' and was overjoyed to find that she had been gifted it.

"Thank you, Remus."

He smiled and gave her a hug, which she reciprocated happily.

The rest of her gifts consisted of Jewelerry or other things. She had actually bounced with joy as she unwrapped two baby grows that had been wrapped carefully in wrapping paper - one was burgundy and the other was white, both gifted to her by Sirius. He wasted no time in explaining that pink or blue didn't seem right because they didn't know the gender. He was also tired of the whole _genders having colours_ thing... plus, the other baby grows looked so uncomfy.

Hearing this, James and Lily laughed after thanking him for the baby grows.

James received a lovely watch, silver in colour, and a painting; it was depicting the scene of him dancing in the kitchen with Lily, which he was so thankful to receive, and a blanket that he was so very fluffy - he practically wrapped himself and Lily up with it immediately.

Apart from his leather jacket, Sirius received a blanket similar to James' (which he wrapped around himself), a necklace that had the ' _Canis_ _Majoris_ ' on it, painted over a rather aesthetically pleasing night sky, and two pictures of him and his brother with ' _I miss you_ ' written on the back of them; his brother, Regulus, was out of the country on a business trip. Before he left, Regulus had gotten into an argument with Sirius about the business trip. Luckily, though, they made up after they learned to appreciate the other's view on the matter.

Sirius was moved to tears and showed James the photos of them standing side by side - in the first photo, Sirius (aged eleven) stood next to Regulus (aged nine). Sirius was stood next to a backpack and suitcase, a smart-casual outfit adorning his slim frame and his black hair in a pony-tail that reached his elbows. Regulus stood with his arms crossed and an expression of irritation written over his face. He looked like a slightly younger version of Sirius but with a completely different demeanor - his hair was styled perfectly and didn't even reach his ears, the curls were all brushed out. His clothes were _much_ smarter than his brother's.

Then, expertly placed next to that photo was a photo mirroring the other - Sirius (aged 19) was now glaring at his brother (aged 17). Sirius wore a leather jacket, light blue ripped jeans, a black dress-shirt, and clunky black boots. His hair was tied in a pony-tail resting just above his shoulders, the curls more pronounced due to the length of his hair (or lack thereof). Regulus wore a dress-shirt, too, with some smart black trousers. He wore smarter shoes, but his hair looked exactly the same. This time it was Regulus smiling proudly at the camera... the background was that of a waiting area at an airport. Only he, Lily, and James knew of its significance.

Sirius immediately removed his phone case, that was conveniently clear, and placed the photo in. Remus was touched for a reason he couldn't quite name.

Finally, Remus opened his gifts - he had received about five different cardigans (which he adored), a cook book, some new paints from Lily, and, from James, he received some new brushes. There was a smile that graced his face that made him look so innocent and pure as he thanked his friends for what they gave to him.

He was about to start conversation with Sirius when James said, "Wait, you've missed one."

He looked to where James was looking and, sure enough, beneath some discarded wrapping paper, a small present sat. He stretched to pick it up, noticing it felt light in his palm, then removed the rather nice wrapping paper from it. What remained was a small, plain black box. He suddenly felt very nervous as he held it; it wasn't as if it would bite him. Then he looked over the box and the wrapping and found himself very confused, as there was no name or address attatched to it. Nevertheless, he opened it and was shocked at what he found inside - a gold pendant with two interlocking symbols (male) that was attached to a fine gold chain.

Who sent this?

Before anybody could see it, he put it on and tucked the pendant under his shirt, hastily, and shivered at the cold feeling of metal on his chest. Sirius looked at him, delicate eyebrow arched.

"You okay?"

"Just a little bit cold."

"Okay," Sirius said and a silly grin played on his lips. "Why don't you come warm up with me in the blanket?"

Remus tilted his head as he tried to figure out if Sirius was being... well, serious. He wasn't actually expecting the other man to sit next to him and put the blanket around him, too. He blushed.

Lily spoke up after a little while, gazing at the friendly scene that she wished she could freeze and take a snapshot of.

With a grin, she said, "Happy Christmas, guys."


	8. - Invitation -

Remus was only just leaving the bookshop at six pm when something barrelled into him at full speed. He grunted and was about to send a punch to whatever it was until he saw what it was... or more specifically _who_ it was.

"Sirius, what is the matter with you?" Remus asked. "What are you doing?"

"Hiding," Sirius hissed and pulled a face that just read ' _isn't it obvious, you cretin?_ '. Then he pressed said face into Remus' chest.

The action made Remus' breath catch in his throat but he tried to pass it off as him just clearing his airway. "Well you aren't doing a very good job, are you?"

Sirius huffed but all Remus felt was warm air being blown onto his stomach. Then another person emerged from 'round the corner - only she looked to be in fit enough state to be running.

Her brown hair was tied in a bun, so he wasn't sure how long it was, and her face was barely tinged pink... or she hadn't been running for a long time. A look of confusion passed over her face.

...Until she saw Remus.

"'Scuse me," the woman said. "Have you seen a bloke running past? He had-- oi..."

The woman pulled Sirius, who grumbled in protest, off Remus. "Honestly, you can't just grab onto random people to hide. Some might consider it _rude_."

"With all--" Remus started, but was cut off by Sirius.

"Remus isn't a stranger. He's my--" this time it was turn for Sirius to be cut off.

"Boyfriend?" Sirius' chaser supplied, then jumped to plant a kiss on the man she had pursued. She turned to address Remus, "You're a very lucky man!"

Remus, who had only just realised that it was him she was talking to, nodded. He choked out a rather awkward, "I must be."

The girl flailed a little before she grabbed one of Sirius' hands. She smiled widely, "You _must_ come to our New Year's party! Oh, tell me you'll come?"

Remus could have compared her to a puppy in that moment purely just because of the way her eyes widened and her head tilted to the side.

She turned to look at Remus, now, "My girlfriend, Dorcas, and I are hosting it.

"I'd love to come. Would you, Remus?"

The smile on his face dropped, only by a small amount, at the thought of him going to a party. The last one he'd been to ended up a mess, him being the bigger mess. He went to say no, but the looks on Sirius and the other girl's face made him have second thoughts about doubting himself - he'd probably be _fine._

He realised that he had probably been silent for a little too long, so he widened his smile. "I'd be glad to go. Thank you."

Sirius turned to the girl and said, "Well, then, you can expect us to be be there."

"Brilliant!"

The girl pulled out a paper and pen from her jacket pocket and wrote something down then handed it to Remus.

"My name and number," she said. "Text me if you have any questions.

Remus nodded and looked down to the paper, thanking her, and then watched her ruffle Sirius' hair and run back the other way. Then, when he was sure that she was out of earshot, he said, "She's certainly enthusiastic."

Sirius scoffed and rolled his eyes, "You didn't have to go to school with her for seven years - fourteen if you include primary school, too."

Remus chuckled at that.

"I'm also sorry that she assumed..." Sirius trailed off slowly - maybe Remus hadn't noticed her observations about the two or her comment about them being together.

"She has a good sense of humour though, why would I be your boyfriend?" Remus asked; only after did he realise how harsh that sounded and the way Sirius' face dropped. He went to say something to ammend it but Sirius laughed awkwardly. "Sirius is there--"

"Well, would you look at that?" Sirius asked and then examined a bare wrist. "I should be going now. Enjoy your day."

Before Remus could say anything else, Sirius whizzed off. Remus shook his head.

_What a strange encounter, indeed._


	9. - Help -

Remus stood, barely paying attention to his surroundings, in the bookshop as he waited for his shift to end. Some anxious feeling bubbled in his stomach but he wasn't quite sure why, so he did what helped him when that feeling surfaced, and worried the gold pendant of the chain around his neck. He seemed to get lost in that world so, when an elderly lady asked for his help, he dropped the pendant against his t-shirt and snapped to reality.

"I'm sorry, Miss. How may I help you?"

The elderly woman smiled kindly, "Don't worry yourself, young man. Would you please get that book, there, for me? I'm afraid I'm not as active as I used to be."

"Of course, which book would you like?"

She'd asked for the copy of ' _War and Peace_ ' that rested a few shelves higher than she could reach. After, she informed him that it was for her granddaughter's... 'partner' - she said the word with such trouble, which led Remus to believe that she didn't agree with her granddaughter's romantic interests. Of course, his theory was confirmed when the woman said that there was only 'one way' things should be in terms of relationships and that things were better back in her day and country where things like that were punishable in a variety of ways. Remus fought the urge to lecture her on this and nodded politely instead. He also wondered why the old woman would buy something for her granddaughter's partner if she didn't agree with it. Perhaps the person was really lovely and the woman had no problem with _her_ but her granddaughter's sexuality?

He cleared his head of those thoughts, fearful he'd go down a spiral of these and completely forget where he was again. However, thinking of sexualities reminded him of Sirius and he began to feel bitter - the man hadn't responded to any of his messages since they saw Marlene (as her name was written in a messy hand). He was aware that he was acting like an annoying two year old who went without attention, but he didn't really care much.

When the elderly lady wandered away to pay, he got his phone from his trouser pocket, then took 'Flight Mode' off, and saw four notifications all messages from Sirius, so he unlocked his phone and looked at the messages written there. He wasn't sure when they had been sent due to having no signal, but he could guess that they were scattered throughout the day.

 **Sirius**  
> _Sorry._  
> _I_ _wasn_ _'t on my phone, Remus._  
> _Remus?_  
> _Remus, I'm sorry. I_ _didn_ _'t mean to ignore you - I just needed some time off my phone to sort myself out. I understand if you're angry._

_I just need to get something off my chest - two things, actually. I'm not entirely sure I would be sending this without James' help. He stormed in here this morning and yelled at me to pull myself together and apologise to you. He's rather frightening when he wants to be... anyway, I'm rambling. Here goes..._

_1) I'm terribly sorry for running away in order to avoid the question you asked. I'm aware that_ _isn_ _'t something a decent human-person would do. Truthfully, I was just scared (a rubbish excuse for my actions, I know; James already told me)... which brings me onto my next point. So, I'_ _ve_ _been trying to find a way to tell you for a little while now and I think the fact that we'_ _ve_ _only known each other for little more than a month makes it easier, so if you want to cut ties because you think that I'm some sort of mess up then you can... anyway, I'm gonna tell you now; I'm questioning... I mean, I'_ _ve_ _been with guys and gals before, but I think I lean more towards liking guys. I'm still now sure though, because girls are nice, too. They're all squishy. But, anyway, that makes me sound like some sort of... I don't know. Anyway, sorry, and I'_ _ll_ _go if you want me to._

Remus reread the message a few times to allow it all to sink in - a lot of things made sense now, but it hurt him to think that Sirius guessed Remus would react badly to it. Well, he hadn't given him much reason to think otherwise, had he? He made it sound like liking a guy was nothing more than a joke.

 **Sirius**  
> _Sorry._  
> _I wasn't on my phone, Remus._  
> _Remus?_  
> _Remus, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ignore you - I just needed some time off my phone to sort myself out. I understand if you're angry._

_I just need to get something off my chest - two things, actually. I'm not entirely sure I would be sending this without James' help. He stormed in here this morning and yelled at me to pull myself together and apologise to you. He's rather frightening when he wants to be... anyway, I'm rambling. Here goes..._

_1) I'm terribly sorry for running away in order to avoid the question you asked. I'm aware that isn't something a decent human-person would do. Truthfully, I was just scared (a rubbish excuse for my actions, I know; James already told me)... which brings me onto my next point. So, I've been trying to find a way to tell you for a little while now and I think the fact that we've only known each other for little more than a month makes it easier, so if you want to cut ties because you think that I'm some sort of mess up then you can... anyway, I'm gonna tell you now; I'm questioning... I mean, I've been with guys and gals before, but I think I lean more towards liking guys. I'm still now sure though, because girls are nice, too. They're all squishy. But, anyway, that makes me sound like some sort of... I don't know. Anyway, sorry, and I'll go if you want me to_.

**Me**

< _I'm really sorry for only just replying to these messages now - I'm at work and my Flight Mode was switched on._

_Firstly, I want to make sure you're doing alright and_ _staying_ _safe; you said you needed some time? And thank you for coming out to me and, no, I'm not gonna leave you - that would be unfair,_ _wouldn_ _'t it?_

_Secondly, if you don't want to, we don't have to go to the party tomorrow - your mental health is important._

_Please stay safe._

**Sirius**  
> _You really don't mind? Remus, you have no idea how grateful I a_ _m._  
> _I still want to go to the party - that is, of you want to._

**Me**  
< _I want to._

**Sirius**  
> _Great, then it's settled._

**Me**  
< _Great._  
< _Listen, I need to close up now. Could I message you in a little bit?_

**Sirius**  
> _'Course you can! Don't die._

Remus scanned the room with his eyes and found two teens in the corner of the room. That anxious feeling bubbled up again and he started to worry the gold pendant with his thumb as he made his way over to them.

"Sorry, to bother you but shop's closing up now."

One of the teens, who looked to be older, nodded and then moved his hands in an intricate series of motions after tapping the other on the shoulder. Remus figured out that he was communicating by Sign Language, although it didn't look like BSL. He cleared his thoughts and stopped worrying the pendant. The older teen took hold of the younger's hand, thumb brushing over it tenderly, as if to comfort him. He turned to Remus.

"Sir?"

Remus snapped back and nodded dumbly. He wasn't expecting to be addressed, so when be was he was a little startled. He asked, "Yes?"

"I-- I don't," he took a deep breath. "We don't have enough change to get back, could you spare some?"

Remus was tight on money but the state of these boys showed him that they needed it - the elder's blonde hair was grown out, reaching past his ears, and he looked so pale which meant that his deep brown eyes stood as a stark contrast to the flesh. There was a fading bruise on his neck. Yet, however bad he looked, the younger was worse; his hair had been styled as a buzzcut (badly) and he had a shiner, bold against his fair skin. He walked with a limp.

"Sure, how much do you need?"

The elder looked surprised at Remus' generosity, his eyes teared up. "How much would get us to a bus station? We don't need much."

Remus asked, "Don't you have a destination in mind?"

The teen looked back to the other and shook his head. "No."

Remus nodded and retrieved some cash from his jeans then handed it to him. Once again taken by surprise when the boy hugged him. Truthfully, he wasn't sure why he was using the term 'boy' because he only looked three or four years younger than himself.

"Keep yourself safe, okay?" Remus asked. "I don't know you but, if you ever need to talk or take a break, I'll be here. My name is Remus."

"I'm Sam, and he's Richard. Thank you, Sir. We should... we should get going now so we don't miss the bus."

"I wish you all the best, Sam and Richard. Take care of yourselves."

Sam whispered, "Sam can't hear us... I think that he'd go bonkers if he heard me ask you for money - he always wants to do things right."

Remus shrugged, "Then he won't find out, yeah?"

Sam nodded and pulled back, thanking him one last time before he whispered (mainly to himself), "Your father is a jerk."

That left Remus wondering about the situation _and_ worried for those boys. He sighed and pulled his phone from his pocket after shutting off the lights and activating the alarm system, locking the doors afterwards. Remus dialled a number - the call was immediately answered.

_"Hello?"_

"Sirius?" Remus asked, worrying the pendant again. It was getting dark out and he understood the anxiety that had festered in him for the day.

_"That's me," was the response. "Are you okay?"_

Remus inhaled shakily as he stared up to the sky and then the path in front of him - it wasn't a long walk back to James and Lily's but he wasn't fond of walking in the dark.

_"Remus?"_

"Sorry," he replied. "Uh, could you-- are you far from Flourish and Blotts?"

Sirius must have been able to tell that something was bothering Remus personally because he asked, _"How soon do you need me there?"_

Remus heard the tone of Sirius' voice and nearly broke down, startling the people who were passing him on the street.

_"Remus, I'_ _ll_ _get there as fast as possible, okay? Stay wherever you are - I'm assuming the book shop?"_

Remus whimpered a pathetic, "Mhm."

_"I can't stay on the call if I'm going to get there quickly, I'm sorry. Is there anything..."_

Instead of answering Sirius, Remus allowed himself to fall into a sitting position and then he curled up without a second thought to shield himself from those who walked past him. This situation was his own fault, of course, because if he'd have left earlier then he wouldn't be curled up, terrified of walking through the streets alone at night. However if one were to go _further_ into the matter, then they would find that it was Remus' father's fault. He laughed drily, despite himself. "I'm an idiot."

Remus didn't hear Sirius curse in French as he hurried to get to Remus' location, for he had already hung up on Sirius. He was ashamed of himself and the other man didn't need to hear him panic or ramble about how conflicted he was.

Soon, as it grew darker, Remus' panic increased and each person who stepped too close to him or sent him a look brought more fear into him. It seemed that his lungs were rejecting the air he breathed in, so he couldn't breathe evenly. His heart rate elevated, he could feel it thrumming against his chest, and the lights on the passing cars were too bright, so he had to shut his eyes against them.

His phone started to ring.

Remus willed himself to calm before answering; all that escaped his mouth was another whimper.

_"Remus, where are you? I'_ _ve_ _circled the shop but I can't--"_

Remus heard a clatter, then a few expletives thrown about, and finally an apology. He cleared his throat.

"What happened?"

_"I walked into a blind man..."_ Sirius admitted sheepishly.

"I feel like it gets worse," Remus croaked.

_"I said 'sorry, I_ _didn_ _'t see you there'... and now I think he hates me-- but what was he doing out so late?"_

Remus chuckled softly at this.

Sirius protested, _"It just came out! I_ _didn_ _'t_ mean _to say it!"_

Remus wasn't really listening to the words Sirius was saying as much as the sound he made when he spoke - it was soft and calming, like waves of the sea, even if he was rambling.

Remus inhaled and nodded, even though Sirius couldn't see.

Once more, Sirius asked, _"Where are you?"_

"Front of Flourish and Blotts... uh, I'm on the floor."

Sirius made a sound that sounded like a hum and then told Remus that he was on his way 'round to the front. Next, he told Remus that he could see him bit didn't hang up until he stood next to the man (who was still on the floor).

"Remus, I'm here."

Remus looked up, startled, but relaxed visibly when he saw Sirius standing, backlit by a streetlight. Remus whispered, "Sirius."

The man offered him his hand and a small smile, but Remus didn't take it.

"I can't get up right now... I'm sorry."

Sirius shook his head. "It isn't a big deal," he said before sitting down next to Remus. He wrapped his arm around the taller man.

"I'm sorry," Remus repeated.

"Why are you apologising?"

When Remus looked at Sirius, the expression on his face was a little more than alarming; his mouth was set straight in a line while his eyes were shining with unshed tears. He was completely pale, so the scars shone dark against his face when it was hit by the passing cars' light.

"Because I can't do this without freaking out."

"What can't you do, Remus?"

Sirius didn't like asking Remus these questions but how else was he supposed to find out what was happening to him? Remus inhaled shakily.

"I can't travel alone in the dark."

Sirius hated the way that Remus flinched as he told him that, as if Sirius would react badly.

Sirius shook his head and told him, gently, "Not many people can - look around us," Sirius pointed to some girls, travelling in a three. Then be pointed to a group of men who looked more afraid to be out. Sirius turned to look back at Remus, "See?'

Remus nodded and pressed closer to Sirius, feeling absolutely ridiculous when he pointed out, "You can do it."

"It took me a while to be able to do it. I was afraid, at first, but then I did it."

Remus closed his eyes and the tears fell from them again, landing on his jumper. Sirius allowed Remus' arms to wrap around him when he needed the comfort.

"We're okay," Sirius soothed. "Take your time, yeah?"

Remus pulled back as he ran a hand through his handy hair in frustration. He sighed, " _You're_ okay! I'm just bro--" but before he could finish, Sirius pulled him into another hug and Remus buried his face in the nook of Sirius' shoulder and neck.

" _We're_ okay," Sirius repeated calmly. "Just take your time."

Remus took the advice, curled up against Sirius for a while, and moved to get up when he felt ready to - grateful when Sirius took his hand to help him. He was taken aback by Sirius' goofy smile and suddenly felt rather defensive.

"What are you smiling about?" Remus aksed.

Sirius didn't actually say anything as he reached onto his tiptoes and rested with one hand on Remus' chest and the other playing with Remus' hair. 

Honestly, Remus was rather soothed by this and opened his mouth to say something as he relaxed. He regretted it immediately after he said, "Now I see why Marlene thought we were together.'

Sirius stopped. He asked, sounding bitter, "Am I making you uncomfortable?"

Remus shook his head quickly, making him a little dizzy, but said, "No. No, you aren't-- I wasn't thinking before I said that."

He couldn't really tell Sirius that he felt grounded by his hand on his chest and almost wound in his hair, could he? He couldn't tell Sirius that the hand on his chest or the scent of leather and coffee, the mint on his breath, triggered something deep within him that made him want to--

"Sorry," Sirius said. "I'm used to people..."

Remus shook his head softer and felt his heart soothe under Sirius' hand, still fast but not alarming anymore. He seemed to revel in their proximity at that point.

"What are you smiling about?" Sirius asked. His breath fanned over Remus' cheeks and made him blush.

Remus wasn't aware that he was smiling, so he just lied, "Oh, this and that."

Sirius just nodded, stilling his actions as he watched the blush spread over Remus' cheeks. He let his own smile form on his face.

Seemingly, they moved closer until Sirius dropped back down to normal height and cleared his throat. "I was just smoothening your hair down."

Remus scoffed, "That's not a word."

"It is."

"It isn't"

"Is," Sirius seemed set on arguing his point until Remus realised that he was _obviously_ right.

This seemed to go on for a while until they got to a motorbike.

Remus did a double take when he watched Sirius sit on the vehicle.

"What?" Sirius asked.

"We're going on that?"

Sirius nodded. "Come on, I'm a good driver."

"Nope. You're joking."

Sirius sighed, "Three men walk into a bar; one's blind, the other's deaf and the last one is an insomniac. To derive humour from this is rather derogatory and inhumane."

"What?" Remus asked.

"Nevermind, come, sit."

Remus nodded and did as Sirius said when it became clear that this bike _was_ actually Sirius'. He paid attention to his instructions because he didn't want to fall off as they sped through the streets. When he was finally comfortable, Remus took hold of Sirius' waist and felt his stomach churn before Sirius started driving.

Unexpectedly, though, Sirius drove at a reasonable pace and wasn't the complete madman on the roads that Remus expected him to be, and Remus was returned back to James and Lily's in one piece.

"Thank you," Remus said. "Really."

Sirius smiled and helped Remus off the bike in fear of the man falling over, and removed Remus' helmet. Then he ran a hand through Remus' hair, muttering something about 'smoothening it'.

The taller man couldn't help the cackle that escaped his mouth.

Behind them, the front door opened and James stepped out. Then he called behid him, "Lily, Remus is here!"

At the mention of her name, she emerged and stood next to James.

"Remus, where were you? We were worried that you--" Lily stopped talking when she saw Sirius by his side. "Sirius, hello."

The man, who seemed to be wide awake just, yawned and waved lazily. He said, "Hiya, Lils."

James asked, "Why're you back so late, Remus?"

Suddenly the shameful look was back and he hung his head a little. Sirius whispered something to him and gave his hand a comforting squeeze. Remus nodded and moved past Lily and James, presumably heading straight for the guest room.

Sirius said, "Remus asked me to come for him - he said something about not wanting to travel alone in the dark."

James nodded, remembering. "Oh, right, thank you for bringing him back... would you like to come in for a bit?"

Sirius nodded, "Sure, but let me sort the bike out first."

James nodded and Lily headed back in, walking in the same direction that Remus did, so they assumed she was going to go and talk to Remus.

Then, when Sirius was done, they headed inside and James locked the door - Sirius headed straight for the kitchen to grab a biscuit.

"Thank you for bringing Remus back, really."

"It isn't a problem... I just hope that he feels better soon."

"He... probably won't - not for a while, anyway."

Sirius watched the way James composed himself after he got worried and simply nodded.

"If there's ever anything I can do..."

James shrugged. "I don't know, Sirius. There's a lot that Remus has gone though, so he just needs us to be there for him and to step in if things get out of hand."

Sirius didn't like the way James spoke as if Remus were a child who couldn't deal with things... little did he know that a few room down, Remus had the exact same feelings about Lily's lecture about getting back earlier but commending him for messaging Sirius when he needed somebody (leaving out the 'even though you could have asked me or James' bit).

Still, they were all supportive and that's what he needed, remembering that as sleep took him over.


	10. - The Party -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Implied drug use.

James stared at Remus, who kept his hand in his pocket, and raised an eyebrow. James said, "Remember, stay away from the--"

"I _know_ ," Remus interrupted. "We've been over this at least twenty times today."

James sighed and he shook his head, "We just want you to be safe. You've been clean for a year, Remus."

He bit his lower lip to stop a retort from slipping past them; when he did that, he tasted the strawberry gloss that Lily applied to his lips (that were already dark in colour). Her reasoning for that had been because she wanted to make him pretty, much to his dismay.

Lily butted in, "Anyway, why would they have it there? Dorcas is trying to stay away from he--"

As if the word said in full would cause an immediate relapse right then and there, James coughed loudly. Remus looked put off and a little insulted, but knew that they meant well.

Remus mentioned, "I'm gonna leave my phone here just so I know that I haven't lost it at the party."

"What if you need to contact us?" James asked as he adjusted his glasses.

"Sirius will probably take his phone... why are you acting like my parents?"

Lily huffed, "Oh, please. _Your_ parents suck completely - we are _much_ better than those onion-eyed, marmite sandbags!"

Remus chuckled softly at that image but whispered, "My mum isn't like that."

James rolled his eyes at Remus' Naïvety but didn't say anything in response. Then, when it grew silent, Lily wrapped her arms around Remus.

"I love you, Remus."

"You, too, Lily--" James coughed and Remus turned to him. "And I love _you,_ James."

The bespectacled man smiled proudly as he perched himself on the arm of the sofa... well, he was perched until he fell off, startled as someone rang the doorbell.

"That's your date," Lily said, then looked worried that she slipped some top secret piece of information in front of James.

" _Fake_ date," Remus corrected her. "We're on a fake date."

Lily laughed and kissed Remus' forehead before James nudged his backside to make him move forward. "Answer the door."

The sandy-haired man sighed and pulled open the door, but his breath caught at the sight and he suddenly felt very overdressed.

Sirius was leaning against the doorframe, the leather jacket he got for Christmas, a 'Pink Floyd' t-shirt over his torso - it had risen up and was displaying a rather prominent hip-bone. Sirius' jeans were certainly very form fitting from what Remus could see, but before his thoughts could jump onto a very sinful bandwagon, he forced himself to pay attention to the rest of Sirius' outfit. It was finished off by some shiny black combat boots.

"Go on," Lily hissed.

Remus nodded, "H-hi."

"Hello," Sirius replied in a tone similar to Remus' own nervous one.

James, wanting the two to get going and stop being so awkward, kicked Remus' backside again but since Remus wasn't expecting it, he fell forwards. Sirius caught him somewhat awkwardly and as he helped Remus up, he whispered into Remus' ear, "Bit early to be falling for me."

Had he been eating or drinking anything, he surely would have choked. As it was, he only blushed a deep crimson and accepted Sirius' help up.

Just before they were about to leave, Lily instructed Sirius to have Remus back by three am at the latest, but most importantly to have fun. Then she hugged them both and sent them on their way.

"So, Remus said now that they were out. "How are you?"

"I'm well, thank you. And yourself?"

"Good. To both."

Sirius stopped to look at Remus, who was raising an eyebrow at him. He said, "Listen, Marlene and Dorcas probably think that we're together."

"Okay?" Remus asked.

"I just want to figure out how to play this - do we act like we're together? Do we say we've broken up but are there as friends? Do we--"

"Sirius, please... just do what you want."

"Well, I don't want to let them down in any way, you know? But I want to make sure _you're_ comfortable with this... you _are_ straight, aren't you?"

Remus suddenly felt very ill and pressured. He bit the inside of his cheek as he thought about it; if they went along with it, Remus could determine multiple things that he wasn't willing to name... but he would be lying to himself for a few hours. The other option was to tell Marlene that they were never together and that _she_ jumped to conclusions, but then that would be awkward and he'd have to stay in a room where he felt tense with someone until the new year (which was four hours and fifteen minutes away).

"Y-yeah, I'm straight," the sentence physically hurt to produce; he just wasn't ready to tell Sirius yet. "But I'm comfortable with it."

Sirius nodded and they started walking, mostly in silence until Sirius nudged Remus with his elbow and asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I am, why?"

"You're quiet."

Remus raised a brow, "I'm usually quiet."

Sirius shook his head, then looked in front of him. "You know, if you don't want to go we don't have to."

"I wanna go," Remus somewhat lied. "I just didn't get much sleep."

"Whatever you say," Sirius said as he scanned the road names, making sure they were in the right place.

It was silent again until Sirius spoke up and pointed in the direction of a house with a blue door... Remus quite liked blue doors. Sirius linked hands with Remus and pulled him, gently, to the house and opened the door (it had been left unlocked for those who arrived later), and headed straight to the room where the music sounded the loudest.

As they entered they were greeted by a very enthusiastic Marlene, who was being embraced by a chipper brunette with milk chocolate skin.

"Sirius, Hi!" Marlene exclaimed, then she turned to greet Remus. "Heya, tall Fellow!"

Remus smiled widely at her, then waved to Dorcas with his free hand. He was sure that he recognised her.

"You're Remus, I assume?"

Remus nodded politely and was aware of Sirius resting his head against his arm and the hand that was now positioned on his bicep. Remus wasn't as aware of his own hand that rested on Sirius'.

"You two are such a cute couple," Dorcas said as she smiled. "How did you meet?"

"Well," Remus said. "I went to the coffee shop and then had a panic attack. He, uh, helped."

Apparently that wasn't what they were prepared to hear. Remus suddenly felt a fool, but Sirius squeezed his hand in a way of comfort.

"Sirius, could I borrow Remus for a second?" Dorcas asked.

"No, not at all. Have fun."

Sirius let go of Remus and watched hin walk off with Dorcas, then made conversation with Marlene - she was bopping to the music gently.

Dorcas and Remus moved around a few people to get to the corner that appeared to be the quietest.

"What's up?" Remus asked.

"I'm better at this than Marlene - she would be afraid of hurting your feelings at all unless she knew you well... I, not so much. Got it?"

Remus nodded.

"I'm here to tell you that you will _not_ hurt Sirius at all. If you do-- I will find you, take you hostage, and force you to write two _immaculate_ apology letters."

"Yes?"

"I'm not done!" Dorcas snapped and Remus nodded silently, feeling like he'd just been catapulted into the past when his father yelled at him. His hands started to shake. The woman continued, "I will shove one of those letters so far up your backside that it will give your brain a papercut. Then, and _only_ then will I make sure you know exactly what you did wrong and how bad you messed up by hurting him... are you with me so far?

Remus nodded, blank-faced.

"Then you will send the second letter of apology to Sirius and pray that he forgives you... I know who you are, Remus Lupin. I know what you used to do and how you ended up in the rehab centre when you were sixteen, Remus - I was there, too."

Remus was shaking pretty bad now.

Dorcas grinned and hugged him tightly, "Brilliant! I'm glad that's sorted, then... hey, are you okay?"

Remus didn't answer straight away, too afraid that words would fail him; eventually he managed to ask where the bathroom was. Dorcas stopped touching him, realising that he was probably freaking out, and lead him to the upstairs one that was attached to her and Marlene's room because it was the quietest.

"Take your time, Remus."

He thanked her and then stepped into the room, locking the door behind him, and slid down it and into a sitting position. Remus drew his knees to his chest after reaching into his pocket.

Meanwhile, Sirius was talking to a girl around his age. They were carrying good conversation until he saw Dorcas - he excused himself.

"What'd you do with Remus?"

"I gave him the obligatory _'Don't hurt_ _Sirius_ _'_ talk. Then he went to the upstairs bathroom... he needed some quiet."

"Sirius stopped dancing and asked, "What do you mean?"

"I gave him the talk, then he just started shaking. He looked _really_ ill."

"Excuse me," Sirius said. "I have to make sure he's okay."

Dorcas nodded, telling him to take his time as well, then went back down to rejoin the party. Sirius glanced back over his shoulder and waited a few seconds before he knocked at the bathroom door.

The shuffle of material indicated that whoever was in there was moving to respond to the knock.

"It's open," came the voice from inside.

Sirius pushed down on the handle and entered the room; Remus was sitting with his back against the bathtub. Remus smiled tiredly, "Hello."

"What were you doing in here?" Sirius asked as he closed the door and locked it behind him.

"It's quiet in here," Remus said. "The quiet is really nice sometimes."

Sirius stared at Remus, deeply confused by the man's behaviour... what had gotten into him? The calmness was disturbing to Sirius and so was Remus' appearance - his skin was flushed and pupils constricted.

"Wanna dance? I think we should dance," Remus decided and stood up. He swayed as if he was dizzy, and then took Sirius' hand and lead him to the door. He stared at it for a while before unlocking it, giggling, and pulled Sirius through.

When they emerged in the main room, Dorcas whooped and 'boinged' over to them. Remus giggled.

"Heya, fellers, everything okay?"

"I think it is," Remus said airily and Dorcas examined him in a similar way to how Sirius did. "We're about to dance "

Dorcas nodded but didn't mention Remus' strange behaviour - maybe Sirius had helped him out with something or this was just him when calm. She just moved to another group of people and asked how their evening was, while Remus and Sirius started to dance - the song was rather upbeat.

Sirius couldn't help but smile as he watched Remus sway to the music with flushed cheeks and soft curls that bounced rhythmically. Remus' outfit was the complete opposite to his own; he wore a brown cardigan that hung off his thin (but muscular) frame, covering the white shirt under it. His trousers were simple black jeans, though not as form fitting as Sirius', that still showed off his legs that went on for miles. His shoes were simple yellow canvas trainers... now that Sirius thought about it, he hadn't seen Remus wear clothes that didn't make him look like a hip grandpa.

At ten pm Sirius decided that he wanted a drink and told Remus, who nodded and continued to sway in time to the music. The concept of time seemed to be forgotten to him, although he did go to sit down on the free beanbag in the corner of the room. He was getting rather tired, now, from existing so he curled up and fell asleep to the chatter and music in the room.

Sirius was talking to someone, bottle in one hand, and his arm wrapped around the nameless woman.

Marlene shouted, to indicate a countdown, " _Ten!_ "

Remus woke, frightened, and looked around the room to remember where he was.

_"Nine!"_

He smiled to himself.

_"Eight!"_

He watched Marlene pump a fist into the air from where she was standing on a table.

_"Seven!"_

Remus watched people pair up. He stood, leaning on the wall to combat the dizziness that overtook him. He noticed that the room smelled distinctly more of alcohol and sweat, but he smiled to himself.

_"Six!"_

It seemed that, in their drunken haze, people's giddiness increased and didn't waver. Remus laughed to himself when somebody else tripped.

_"Five!"_

He started looking for Sirius, wondering if they were supposed to be together at the moment.

_"Four!"_

As he walked around, trying to find Sirius, he noticed that people were starting to inch closer. If lust and excitement were tangible things, there would definitely be barriers around the room that whacked him in the knees occasionally.

_"Three!"_

Remus shouldered past people to find the man.

_"Two!"_

Then, as he moved past two more people, Remus found Sirius. He wasn't alone.

_"One!"_

His heart dropped.

The woman who was currently being held by Sirius leaned in and their lips were together, if only for a moment.

Docas was pulled onto the table and into a sweet, chaste kiss. She ruffled Marlene's hair before pulling back.

" _Happy New Year!_ " was the collective yell in the room. In the background, fireworks could be heard.

Remus' gaze drifted back over to Sirius, whose grip on the bottle in his right hand tightened and his left arm wrapped around the woman's waist. He pulled her closer to him and kissed her once more, with her hand sneaking up and into his hair.

Remus stood frozen.

Remus was aware that they (him an Sirius) were only there under pretence but seeing the two together like that hurt. He sighed and continued to stare, unaware of the two women sidling up to him.

"Heya, tall fellow," Marlene said. "Where's Sirius?"

Remus jutted his chin in the direction of the man and both women gasped. Marlene whispered into Dorcas' ear and then took him outside, but not before Remus saw the sickly sweet grin on Dorcas' face as she walked over to Sirius.

When they got outside, Marlene sat the two on the grass. She looked up to the fireworks that her neighbors were setting off. She reached and took his hand in her own.

"I'm sorry, Remus."

He took a deep breath, "I-it shouldn't matter. I only met him in November."

"That doesn't mean it will hurt any less," Marlene whispered. "It's a violation of trust."

Remus nodded, sniffing. "I just... I thought that he wouldn't do that. I guess he's drunk, so--"

"Remus Lupin," Marlene started. "If you finish that sentence how I think you will, I will personally shove that beer bottle into your brain through your ears?"

She wasn't as good at the threats as Dorcas was and started laughing at how ridiculous that sounded. Remus laughed, too.

"In all... seriousness, what he did was wrong. He may be drunk, but drunkenness does not equal forgetting about your boyfriend-- does it?"

"I guess not."

Marlene nodded. "Exactly."

Remus also stared out in front of him at the fireworks, admiring the colours that spread throughout the dark sky. Forgetting himself for a moment, he took off his cardigan. Marlene stared down to his bare arms.

"Marlene... I-I think I'd like to leave... would it be alright if I use your phone to call a friend? I left mine at home. Sorry.

"Don't apologise..." she said. She wasn't really paying much attention to the words he was saying and nodded. Marlene pulled her phone from her pocket and went to hand it to him when he started crying. In a panic, she put the phone next to her an wrapped her arms around him. "Hey, what's going on, Remus?"

"You're being so- so nice. I-- thank you," he sobbed into Marlene's neck.

"Think nothing of it, Remus... hey, did you know that seals do a banana pose when they're happy or content?"

Remus made a sound that was between an 'aww' and a 'huh'. He whispered, "I thought that they did that to dry off their fins and tails?"

"Perhaps it's both," Marlene said. "But they're rather cute animals, aren't they?"

"I suppose," Remus responded. "Could... could you tell me more things about stuff?"

"Of course I can, darling! Okay, did you know that the male penguin will propose to the female during courtship by finding the smoothest stone and placing it at her feet, and if she picks it up she's accepting his offer? She'll place it in the nest and they'd begin to build it together using more pebbles?"

Remus laughed softly, pulling away from the hug, and looked at Marlene. He wiped the tears that had fallen. She seemed to want to say something else, so he nodded.

"Cows have best friends and they hang out everyday."

"How do you k-know all of this?" Remus asked.

"My girlfriend tells me these things when I'm sad."

Remus nodded and closed his eyes. Instantly he saw Sirius slipping his tongue into that woman's mouth, and Remus could only imagine what sound she made that caused Sirius to pull her closer so their hips touched. _Harlot,_ he thought bitterly.

His stomach twisted unpleasantly and he folded over, wincing and gasping. Marlene shook her head and grabbed her phone, sending a quick message off to Dorcas, then asked if Remus was okay.

"I don't feel good," he said. "I don't--"

"Okay, it's okay. Just relax."

He tensed and coughed, vaguely aware of Marlene's voice, the only side of the conversation he could hear.

"Hi, James... yes, it has been a while, hasn't it? I need you to get Remus... I'm still at the same address... how long? ...Right, okay. Thank you," she ended the call there and wrapped her arm around Remus. Marlene was atill telling him things about animals while they waited which, luckily, wasn't very long.

As soon as Marlene spotted James' car she nudged Remus gently and whispered something into his ear. He looked up just as James stepped out and was quick to wrap James in a weak embrace... taken by confusion, he mouthed ' _What happened?_ ' to Marlene.

Remus pulled back and wiped more tears from his face and James stared at him for a second before he said, "Get in the car, please."

Remus nodded and walked over to the car, opening the door, entering, and closed the door. He lay down on the back seats.

"What happened?" James asked.

"Sirius hurt his feelings a little bit, but what I'm worried about is his state... I think-- I think that he took something dodgy."

James swore and looked back to the car, the behaviour making more sense, where Remus looked to be sleeping. "He promised...."

Marlene nodded. "I don't think he took it particularly well, though. Perhaps he was just overwhelmed..."

James ran a hand through his hair. "I don't want to imply anything, but do you think he got it in there?"

Marlene shook her head firmly and a glare sat on her face. "Dorcas is staying _far_ away from drugs. She's been clean for a year, James."

"No! Not from her," James held his hands out in front of him. "I mean from someone else?"

Marlene shrugged and rubbed her face with her hands, groaning. "He doesn't know anybody there. Is it a possibility that he brought it with him?"

James shook his head, "He wouldn't store drugs with him-- he isn't stupid enough to."

"Unless he's been getting it elsewhere," Marlene said. "He could be--"

"I have to go," James cut her off. "Sorry, Marlene. Tell Dorky I said hi."

Marlene nodded and hugged him, then told him to add hers or Dorcas' number into Remus' phone when they got back in case Remus ever wanted to talk about anything. James had only nodded before he walked back to his car, got in, and slammed the door.

It woke Remus.

He sat up, confused, and caught sight of Marlene. He rolled his window down and said, "Oh, Marlene?"

"Yes?" Marlene asked.

"Happy New Year."

"You too, Remus."

James watched Remus roll the window back up, lie back down, and close his eyes. He started driving, "Don't go back to sleep."

"Okay," Remus mumbled. "I won't."

"And sit up to put on your seatbelt."

"I'd rather lie down."

James gripped the wheel tightly, ability to stay friendly slowly fading. "Just sit up, Remus."

His tone alerted the other man that he was not in the mood for any B.S. Understanding, Remus was quick(ish) to sit up and fasten his belt. There was a beat of silence before James spoke up.

"The thing you did was stupid."

"Which thing?" Remus asked. "I did a lot of things tonight."

James sighed and looked in the mirror to see Remus, barely awake and sitting there without his cardigan. He pulled over in an appropriate place and turned back to look at Remus.

"Arms, now," James said. When Remus didn't comply he sighed, "I'm not playing around. Show me your arms."

Remus reached in front of him, presenting his scarred arms tentatively. When James reached to hold them, he flinched. "I'm not gonna hurt you, Remus," he soothed. "I just want to take a look at your arms."

Remus sighed and let James take hold of him. The other man ran his thumbs along the flesh as if he was trying to find something; James grimaced as he ran his thumb over an area of raised skin, a little dried blood near it. "You did it again, didn't you?"

"I--"

"Remus," James said. "You need to stop."

Remus remained quiet as James started rambling absolute nonsense, pulling away from the pale man, to run a hand through his hair.

"I tried to," Remus said. "I did, James."

"Obviously you didn't try hard enough," the man groaned and shook his head. "How long-- how long has this been going on?"

Remus whispered, still influenced by the drugs, "Only a few days."

James punched the steering wheel, startling Remus. After, he just gripped it and bowed his head - his glasses fell from his face.

It took a while for the man to calm down. When he did, he said, "Lily needs to know - she's better at this than I am."

Remus shook his head frantically and ignored the curls that whacked him in the eyes. It made him dizzy.

"Please, no. She can't..."

"She has to, Remus. Lily's the one who deals with this."

Remus sobbed quietly, "I disappointed you."

"Yes. Yes you did... now, is there anything else you want to tell me before we get back?"

"I'm sorry," Remus sobbed. "I'm sorry, James-- I'm broken."

James looked back at Remus, who had folded over in his seat with tears streaming down his face. Each breath he took was short and he held his own arm, nails digging deep - perhaps he was too high to actually acknowledge the pain kr he chose to ignore it.

James sighed, "Why are you broken, Remus?"

"Because-- I'm a failure... I failed you and Lily... and I'm g-gay."

James inhaled, "None of those things make you broken, Remus. _None_ of them."

"Yes they do! Dad-- Lyall always told me--"

"Lyall is dead to you, do you understand that? _Dead_ to you."

"But--"

"No!" James cut in. He shook his head and sighed, "Listen, we're about five minutes away from home right now, can you calm down before we see Lily? She won't be as nice as me and we both know that."

"Uh-huh, I can try," Remus whispered as he wiped the tears that were coming to a stop, now. He hummed as the car was started again and James continued to drive, only his grip on the wheel was significantly tighter than it had been at the start of their journey - Remus was back on drugs? Remus is gay?

Soon, the pair arrived back at James and Lily's place. Lily was stood in the doorway with her arms crossed - she seemed angry already... it was only half an hour into the year twenty-seventeen and she already looked ready to behead someone.

James parked the car as slowly as he could, but that only prolonged the tension and the danger of an angry redhead. He unbuckled his seatbelt and Remus did the same.

When the two got into the house, Lily closed and locked the door behind them... James' anxiety was understood.

"I got a text from Marlene," she said.

James nodded, "I know."

"He broke his promise to us."

"I'm aware," James said. "But--"

"No buts! Remus broke a promise to us--"

" _Guys_ ," Remus stressed. "Please don't talk about me like I'm not here."

Lily didn't even bat an eye as she moved over to him and stared up into his eye while she reached into every one of his pockets - when she found what she was looking for, she stepped back. The object in her hand was a small needled syringe; it was empty.

Remus' hand drummed against his leg again and he looked down to avoid her heated stare.

"All of this?" Lily asked. It was only a small amount but that's all it took. At his nod, Lily bit her lip harshly and shook her head. "Since when?"

"Late December."

"Did you go to him for it?"

"No. I-I haven't seen him since I was eighteen," Remus lied. "I promise."

James pinched the bridge of his nose, "Remus could you let me talk with Lily? Just go to your room--"

"I'm not a child."

"You certainly need to be monitored like one," Lily snapped. "Now go to bed."

"Yes, _mum._ "

Remus walked out, closing the door behind him, and headed to the guest room. He didn't need to listen to know what they were talking about.

He found his phone and immediately one name caught his attention - Sirius.

Remus curled up after getting a chocolate drop from the bag on the desk. While it melted on his tongue, he looked at what Sirius sent. The messages ranged from ten past twelve to one o'clock.

 **Sirius**  
> _wherw_ _are_ _ypu_ _?_  
> _i can'r fins_ _ypu_ _._

Remus inhaled deeply and put his phone down and reached into the bag that lay next to the bed, digging deep to find what he wanted - a pack of painkillers - and pulled them out. He took two, then put them back into his bag.

As they set in, he felt lightheaded but it felt nice-- the bed beneath him also felt nice, if not a little cold. He frowned; there was a way to get warm but it seemed to be slipping past him.

The screen of his phone lit up, illuminating the dark room, and he answered the incoming call that had caused the device to vibrate in his hand. He answered it despite feeling groggy and terrible.

 _"_ _Remus,"_ was the first thing Remus heard. _"Remus, where are - yes, love - you? I can't - mm - find you."_

He just hung up, not wanting to hear what was causing those respondes.

Remus stared at the bright screen before him and went to _settings,_ thumb hovering over the 'Flight Mode' option; just before he selected it, the phone vibrated again and he checked the caller ID - Sirius.

Remus sighed and declined the call, then let himself turn 'Flight Mode' on, and plugged his phone in to charge.

Not long after, the nineteen year-old started to think - was it really wise to block Sirius out simply because he was jealous that somebody else kissed him? He couldn't stop or prevent women (or men, for that matter) from kissing Sirius. He could, or at least try to, deter or ignore his own attraction to the man... though he wasn't really sure how he would do that - perhaps ignoring him for a while really _was_ the best course of action after all.


	11. - Who's Scarier? -

Later that day, at around ten past ten in the morning, Remus watched the guest room door open and Lily peeked her head 'round it. Seeing that he was awake, the ginger entered fully and closed the door behind her. She wore her day clothes, ready for work presumably, and a blank expression on her face.

"We need to talk," Lily said. "Now."

Remus nodded and pulled himself to sit up, groaning as he did so. Lily, still being a nice person, helped him to steady himself and positioned him to lean against the wall. "Thank you, Lily."

There was a _no B.S_ tone in Lily's voice as she said, "You're using again."

Remus rubbed his face, poking himself in the eye in the process. "It's all under control, Lily. I promise-- I can stop any time I want to."

"That's what an addict would say," she pointed out. Lily shook her head, "You also promised that you wouldn't use again - you said that you'd reach out for help."

"I was stressed! And- and I don't want to go back to the centre--"

"That's where you'll be headed if you carry on, you sandbag. And that isn't a good enough reason - mind you, no reason will ever be good enough-- where did you even get it?"

Remus averted his eyes.

" _Where. Did. You. Get. It?_ "

"Here, there. I don't- I don't remember, Lily-- it was ages ago."

She exhaled, eyes closing as if to calm herself.

"So you've just had it with you? You were just gonna start shooting up if you got stressed?"

Remus exhaled shakily, his demeanor much less calm than Lily's. He looked down and wrapped his arms around himself; Lily moved toward him and gripped his chin with her thumb and forefinger, tilting his head up. She locked eyes with him.

Her tone left no room for _ifs_ or _buts._

"You are better than this," Lily whispered. "I know you are."

Remus whispered, despite her tone leaving little room for denial, "I should be better."

The ginger never once broke the stony expression but she kissed his forehead gently. Then, when she stood to leave, a phone was pressed into her hands.

"If Sirius messaged me, would you tell him I'm not available?" Remus asked.

"What actually happened between you two?"

"James can tell you. Ugh, my head hurts-- I'll go have a shower."

Lily nodded and watched him walk out in silence before she unlocked his phone. Zero notifications. Then she noticed that 'Flight Mode' was on, so she switched it off.

Around a minute later, the phone had vibrated so much that she nearly dropped it out of shock. There were sixteen notifications all together; four voice-mail messages, seven missed calls and five text messages.

Lily listened to the first message.

_"Remus, why'd you hang up? That_ _wasn_ _'t very-- aah! you're tickling me-- are you okay?"_

Then the second.

 _"Rem's! I'm back now - what are you-- oh, hey_ _Dorcas_ _,_ _whatcha_ _doi--"_ there was a silence before someone started yelling. _"Sirius, you are an absolute twit! You come here with your_ boyfriend, _and then you kiss another tart? I gave_ him _the don't hurt_ you _talk! Now I'm aware that it should have been the other. Way. Around--"_ each word sounded as if it was punctuated by her hitting him with something. _"What were you thinking? Oh, yes, you_ _weren_ _'t! I cannot_ believe _you, Sirius Orion Black - the third! No, I'm not done talking to you yet, you buffoon-toad-_ _ragtail_ _! Where are you going? No, he's with Marlene-- she's comforting him-- you come back here, right now! I--"_ the call cut off.

Then the third.

 _"_ _Moony_ _, I'm sorry; why are you so upset, though? We_ _aren_ _'t actually together, so I_ _didn_ _'t think you'd mind if I--"_ the same woman from earlier swore at him. Lily chuckled to herself, knowing the extent of Dorcas' temper and was glad that she had never been on the receiving end of it. _"What do you mean that you '_ _aren_ _'t actually together', Black?"_ Dorcas asked, way beyond irked, now. That was when the line went silent again.

Then she listened to the fourth and final voice message.

 _"Hey, this is Marlene - I_ _wrangled_ _Sirius_ _' phone away sometime after_ _Dorcas_ _started beating_ _Sirius_ _up. I just found out about the whole situation and I just want to say that if you ever need to talk about anything, you can message me or Marlene - I'_ _ll_ _get James to put our numbers in later if you'd like. Reach out if you need help or if you need to talk about things that you can't talk about with James and Lily. Stay safe, okay?"_

Lily then read the messages (that had all come through at ten twenty am).

 **Sirius**  
> _Did_ _you get home sqfw?_  
> _Safe * Did you get home safe?_  
> _Sleep well, Remus._  
> _I know you probably won't want me to message you, so I'_ _ll_ _go. Still here if you need anything._ _Sirius_ _._  
> _Also, Dorcas is quite scary_ _isn_ _'t she? She really did a number on me ):_

Lily sighed and typed a response.

 **Sirius**  
> _Did_ _you get home sqfw?_  
> _Safe * Did you get home safe?_  
> _Sleep well, Remus._  
> _I know you probably won't want me to message you, so I'll go. Still here if you need anything. Sirius._  
> _Also, Dorcas is quite scary isn't she? She really did a number on me ):_

**Me**  
< _Hello,_ _Sirius_ _\- this is Lily. Unfortunately Remus_ _doesn_ _'t feel up to talking or responding to anything_ _right_ _now._  
< _To answer your previous question - yes,_ _Dorcas_ _is quite scary, but would you like to know who is scarier?_

**Sirius**

> _Who?_

**Me**  
< _I am._


	12. - James' Take-

"I don't know what's been going on with you, but you messed up-- I just don't understand why you would pump yourself with drugs instead of telling us that you needed help! We want to help you, Remus."

Remus sighed and crossed his arms over his bare chest, having been intercepted by James immediately after his shower and given no option to change into some clothes beforehand. "I was barely pumping myself with drugs, James."

"You injected yourself with them for goodness knows how long and how many times-- how many times _was it_?" James asked as he realised where his priorities should have been 

Remus faltered, "I-- Dorcas made me panic--" 

That wasn't an answer to the question he asked, but to the wind with this; James interrupted the man sharply, "That isn't good enough! No reason you give will ever-- is that all it's going to take? Will you just go back to pumping yourself with heroin any time you're scared by somebody or threatened?"

"No, James!" Remus shot back, hastily. "Lily said the same thing... I can't- I can't have this conversation _again._ "

"You're going to! The fact that she said the same thing means that we're right-- Lily usually is right!" James exploded. "I need- I need you to promise me that you won't fall back on using... that you'll get help if you need it."

Remus nodded, his damp hair dropping a little water down his face. He stayed quiet.

"No, I need you to promise me that you aren't going to fall. _Please_."

"How can I do that-- how can I make such a heavy promise?"

"By being honest," James mentioned. He reached and took Remus' hand in one of his own and stroked it consolingly. The man continued, "By reaching out to somebody who can help you... not to somebody like Josef "

"What's your problem with Josef?" Remus asked as he pulled his hand away sharply.

"Well, there's the fact that he indulges you with whatever toxins you request when you go running back to him. It's a great selling point."

There was a beat of silence.

"I guess," Remus whispered.

James shook his head as if to clear away the thoughts that would inevitably cause more stress, then he leant forward so one elbow rested on his own knee - the fabric of his jeans aggravated a bruise that blemished his bronze skin - and gripped Remus' chin, not dissimilar to how Lily had done an hour earlier. Hazel eyes met amber and he whispered, lowly, "I love you, Remus. You are such a magnificent individual with a resilience like nobody I've ever seen - not once have you come to a complete standstill because of anything and I am sure that I am _not_ going to let you do that now," his voice cracked as he watched Remus' eyes dilate. "When I tell you that _I_ love you - that Lily loves you - I mean it. We want you to be safe. I--"

A thumb traced his own cheek, some wetness smeared over his skin. Remus was wiping a tear from James' cheek; he hadn't even realised that he was crying.

"I love you too, James."

He opened his arms tentatively and Remus fell happily into them, wet hair tickling James' neck. They sighed, content as they embraced each other.

"Re'?" James asked quietly.

"Yes?"

He sighed and pulled away from the hug to look Remus in the eye, his amber eyes shining with unshed tears.

"I can't lose you to this, Re'," he whispered thickly. "We-we've already lost so many..."

"I know, James," Remus soothed. "And you won't - I promise."


	13. - Going (Part One) -

Nervous energy possessed Remus, controlling his limbs to move before he could think of it as he stood and paced the room. The phone - its screen still glowing - was set down on the bed. He ought to do _something,_ he thought-- but what? What could he _possibly_ do that didn't involve a high or some form of self-destruction? Then again, he couldn't even do any of those things since Lily went through his room on the second of January, while he was at work, and removed what she deemed to be bad for him-- she even took his painkillers away, only allowing them when he absolutely _needed_ them.

He shook his head, tucking his phone into his jeans pocket, and headed to the kitchen to grab a snack. An apple or a few grapes might do him some good.

All thoughts of getting some fruit escaped his head as he looked at the man standing and staring into the fridge. Honestly, the man didn't look good - he was bruised and his lower lip was swollen... it seemed Dorcas really _did_ do a number on Sirius after all.

Remus wasn't sure exactly what noise escaped his mouth, but it was a strange one that caught Sirius' attention.

"Remus," the other man said. "You're..."

Though he was unsure of where that sentence was going, he nodded anyway. Remus stepped back, gaze already darting from the other man, ready to move out of Sirius' way when someone asked, "Can I join in this depressing scene?"

There was a laugh, then, and Remus whirled around to find James-- he was carrying a laptop. It appeared that the laughter was coming from the device; Remus' brow rose in confusion. Then, as if James could read the man's mind and responded to the unspoken question, he turned the laptop - it showed the Skype video call screen. On that screen was a man, appearing a little younger than himself and James.

"Remus, meet Regulus. Regulus, meet Remus," James said and both men waved, adopting the same awkward hand movement that was only acceptable upon first meeting someone.

"Hello."

Remus nodded and glanced to James as if to ask ' _should I know him?_ '

"Oh!" James exclaimed as he once more answered a question. "Reggie, here, is Sirius' brother."

Remus wrapped his arms 'round himself and looked to the door. "I should let you get on with it... don't want to interrupt."

"Oh," Sirius said.

Remus was already moving away when Sirius uttered the word, and when Remus was out of the way completely Sirius said, "He's avoiding me."

"I wouldn't say that's entirely true... he has a lot going on. He needs time."

"It's been a week, James! If he was going to--"

"Oh, wow," Regulus chimed in. "That's the party guy isn't it?"

Sirius glared at his brother as if there wasn't a screen between them. "Yes."

"Huh. Well, he's very nice looking - I might try snatching him up," Regulus uttered, smirking. "Lovely b--"

"Oh, _shut up_."

Regulus chuckled. "You know I'm joking, Sirius! I'm happily engaged to Barty, remember?"

James allowed the Black brothers to bicker, setting the laptop on the counter before wandering off to find Remus-- it was an easy enough task, for the man was sat in the guest room.

Remus was on the bed, shoulders sagging and head hung.

"Re', are you okay?" James asked as he closed the door behind him. "If it's about Sirius..."

"No," Remus whispered. "It isn't about him-- i-it's my parents. They want--" he inhaled.

"What do they want?"

Renus looked up, eyes watery and darting around the space, "They want to to go back."

James' face reddened and his eyes seemed to darken. "No," he said. "They can't do that."

"They can-- they're still my parents," a sigh. "They can--"

" _No_ ," James interrupted. "They can't. Now pass me your phone, I'm going to sort this out."

Remus' expression morphed to one of fear in a matter of seconds - that expression was alright coming from himself, but when it was James ' _I-beat-up-_ _Severus_ _-Snape-for-assaulting-somebody-one-time-when-sober-without-messing-up-my-nails_ ' Potter saying it then there was cause for concern.

Remus handed his phone over. He whispered, "James, I don't want to go back."

He nodded and then walked out of the room. Remus guessed that he had gone outside to avoid raising Sirius' concerns. He was grateful for that, at least, because then his family problems wouldn't be heard by Sirius or his brother.

Half an hour later, Remus started fretting for James still hadn't come back in. Remus needed to distract himself with something-- to feel _that_ nice calm which he had been denied. Perhaps he could find something in the kitchen, or maybe he would grab a snack... if he could bring himself to leave the room and face who was out there on the way to the kitchen. Remus swore in frustration before he sighed and wiped his eyes; they had teared up a while before while he was worrying. Perhaps it would be better for him to just get out there while he was like this instead of waiting. After all this was the best he was going to get, right?

He stood from the bed and rolled his neck before he opened the door, trying tk head to the kitchen as fast as he could before Sirius noticed him. Unfortunately, it didn't seem possible to do this because the silver-eyed man clocked him immediately.

"Remus," he said. "Can we... talk?"

He looked to the computer screen. "You're on call."

"I just want to talk to you, okay? You left pretty early at the party. Was--"

"Because I don't do well at parties, Sirius. I have a tendency to panic while I'm there-- excuse me."

He slipped away to the kitchen and gripped a counter while he inhaled deeply. This was too much, he had decided.

"Ay'up, mate... Remus?"

He turned and his eyes met James', who held his phone in his right hand.

"James, I don't want to go-- I can't do that."

The messy-haired man nodded and moved forward, enveloping Remus in his arms. "You won't have to. I sorted things out... only gonna get what you need and then we'll come back."

Remus started to shake. "We?"

"Yes, we," he said. "I am not sending you to your... _parent_ ' _s_ house alone."

Remus thanked James, bending to hug the man properly.

"Bad news is, we have to go pretty soon... they expect us there by three and it's already twelve. Remus, I'll be with you every--"

"Let's go," Remus whispered as he pulled back. "I'll lose my nerve."

James nodded and set Remus' phone back in his pocket as he took his own out, walking to the front door. He shot Sirius a warning look before they left, then looked down to his phone.

**Me**  
< _I'm going out with Remus._

**Lily**  
> _At least you waited until we were married to tell me._

  
James chuckled and closed the front door behind him and Remus, who was at the driver's side, waited for James to open the car doors. When that was done, he slid into place.

"You sure it's a good idea for you to drive?" James asked.

"I know the way better than you do and I'd rather not have my stuff sold. There should be a shop by their place - we can get bags to put my things in."

James nodded and gave Remus the keys to start the car. Truthfully, he was very worried that Remus wanted to drive but the man had a point - James didn't know his way to Wales or to Lyall and Hope's like Remus did. He sighed, fastening his seatbelt, and stared out of the window as Remus started driving...


	14. - Going (Part Two) -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little messy and, for that, I apologise. 
> 
> Cariad - Darling  
> Hylô - Hello

Remus worried the thin material of a bin liner between his thumb and forefinger, attempting to distract himself from the feeling of inevitable doom that festered in him as he built up the courage to knock on the front door of the cottage before him. In it, he knew his mother and father sat (or stood) somewhere. He looked at James pleadingly.

"Together," his friend said.

Remus nodded and inhaled deeply before they both reached and knocked - he stepped back after and received a look from James, who said, "Remember, you won't have to be in the same room as them. You'll be fine."

Remus snorted and rolled his eyes - he felt far from fine. However, the click of the door lock drew his attention back to the wood that separated him from his parents and reached, quickly, taking a hold of James' hand. The other man gave a comforting squeeze and smiled softly, letting him know a thousand things in that second; Remus was safe with James. James would rather die than let something happen to his friends.

"Cariad-- hylô!"

There was a noticeable change in Remus' demeanor then. He sighed and relaxed, eyes full of trust as the woman in front of him took his face in her hands and looked over him.

"Hylô, Mam."

The woman, who James could only assume to be Hope Lupin, then looked at James and smiled brightly at him. It appeared that she was waiting for an introduction. He jumped in with, "James Potter, Ma'am. I've heard a lot of things about you and Lyall."

"All good things, I pray."

"Don't flatter yourself," James said as he smiled at her. She was unnerved.

Remus rolled his eyes and told them that he was going to pack some of his things up. James followed him to his bedroom, eyes narrowed and hard, prepared for a meeting with Lyall.

"He's not here," Remus said as they got to his room. He leant against the doorframe, "It doesn't smell like someone dropped something on the stove ring while it was hot. It always smells like that when he's here... so he must be out. Makes it easier."

James just nodded as he looked around at the room he stood in; it was rather small compared to the other rooms of the house that he had seen. The door had been taken off its hinges so there was now only a space where the wood should have been. Then he looked around the room itself and realised that it was barely personalised at all and looked more like a guest room than that of a resident's. On the bed lay a thin quilt, a few pillows, and some stuffed toys that appeared to be at leat ten years old - they looked well cared for, though, and James figured that if Remus hadn't gotten rid of them then he probably still wanted them, so he opened a bin liner and put them in.

James also noticed that most of the clothes Remus hadn't packed looked to be quite small, which was most of them, so Remus ended up packing only a few items of clothing. He got a lot of underwear into the bag, though... at least he had things that fit _there._

Remus sat on the bed, sighing, and James joined him. It wasn't really a comfy mattress either. "Need a breather?" James asked.

"Yeah," Remus yawned. "Didn't think it'd take this much out of me."

James' brow furrowed as he watched Remus look at the room, almost as if he was overcome by some sense of nostalgia. Remus leant against James.

"Take your time."

So they did. James and Remus weren't there for the quick 'in and out' they thought it would be, but they remained unbothered by Hope and they'd found out that Lyall wasn't even there - Hope didn't go into details but they suspected that it was because the man didn't want to see Remus. It made it a little easier to be there, though it hurt his feelings quite a lot.

At around half-four, Hope moved into the room carrying two plates; they held sandwiches. She said, "I wasn't sure if you were allergic to anything, James, so on this plate," Hope held up the patterned plate, "There's tuna sandwiches but with gluten-free bread. The other plate has normal bread... I thought you boys might be hungry."

James smiled, "I'm fine with the normal bread, thank you."

Hope nodded, passing the plain plate to James, and then left the room. It seemed that she wasn't all that bothered and she picked up a gluten-free sandwich and took a bite. "Remus, cariad, can I have a word with you?"

He nodded and followed her to the living room, where she took a hold of his hand. She asked. "Did you get the necklace?"

"What neck-- the gold one?"

Hope nodded, "Yes. I saw it in a store and after I saw the message on your father's phone I thought you might like it."

"You... you sent it?"

"Well, yes. If you don't like it--"

"No, no, I do. I-- thank you."

Hope smiled, then nudged him with her elbow. "That man... is he your...?"

Remus shook his head. "No! No, Mam, James is married-- to a woman."

She nodded, winked, then told him to go back to his friend.

"That was nice of her, don't you think?" Remus asked as he returned, referring to the sandwiches.

"What did she want?" James asked.

Remus changed the subject rather quickly, then lay back down on his bed and watched James eat, declining the food that the man offered... it was then that he noticed that there wasn't much he had left to pack as he had sorted out his clothes, underwear and other personal items, but he wanted to find his books. So, when he got off his bed and knelt next to it, pulling a panel across, James was rather confused. Of course, when Remus started pulling out books he was less confused and more impressed that Remus had found a place to store his books without cluttering his room. He grabbed another binbag and started putting his books in there without a second thought.

"What next?" James asked once there seemed like there was nothing else to do.

"I think we leave now," he responded. "There's nothing else to do-- everything in here - the room - will probably be sold now."

James nodded and picked up three bags as Remus picked up another three. What surprised James, though, was that Remus never looked back behind him as Hope opened the door for them to leave - he only moved straight for the car and opened the boot, put the bags in, then moved to the driver's seat and waited for James.

The drive back was rather quiet and most of the sound was the Arctic Monkeys CD in the player with James singing along. It had taken a while to get somewhere James recognised, but when that happened Remus asked if James was okay to drive while he had a nap. Of course James was alright with it and they pulled over safely and swapped, Remus heading to the passenger side. Not long after, the man had fallen asleep with his arms wrapped around himself.

James pulled up to their house at around seven-twenty. He reached and shook Remus gently, "Come on," he said.

The man woke slowly but nodded all the same and unclipped his seatbelt, then opened the car door. "Thank you for coming with me."

James shook his head as if to tell him ot was no big deal as he climbed out of the car and headed to the boot to collect the bags. Remus was a little slower with this, but he did it all the same. They headed to the front door; it was already open so James just pushed down on the handle and entered with Remus following.

"Honey, I'm home," he called in a silly high-pitched voice.

"Oh, darling, yay," came the response of someone else, also in a high-pitched voice.

James laughed as Sirius emerged from the living room, laptop in hand. He turned the device and Regulus waved at them with a bright smile.

"Pretty boy, hi," Regulus said.

Remus looked mortified.

"Party--" Sirius coughed. "He said 'party boy'."

James raised an eyebrow, turning back to look at Remus. The sandy-haired man said, "Excuse me," and navigated himself to the guest room. As he moved, he noticed that it smelled rather nice in the house. Someone had been cooking.

When he entered the guest room, he put the bags onto the floor to sort later. Then something on his desk caught his eye - a plate with some food on there. A note lay next to it; _Remus,_ _didn_ _'t know if you'd be hungry when you got back. You looked sad so I, with my brother's help, made some food that always helps when I feel sad. Hope you enjoy it. -_ _Sirius_ _(and_ _Regulus_ _because he insists on being involved)._

He smiled, then found the fork resting near the chicken meal and brought some into his mouth. It tasted _good._ Remus ate some more, savouring the seasoned chicken as much as he could. Then, when he finished, he moved into the kitchen to wash his plate. He sighed, a smile playing on his face when he recalled the note.

Remus entered the living room after a while, finding James and Sirius speaking to Regulus still. Cautiously, he asked, "Sirius... could I talk to you?"

The man looked up, startled, then nodded. He said, "Of course."

Sirius followed Remus to the guest room, where there was more privacy. Remus sat on the bed while Sirius remained standing.

"Thank you... for the note and the food. That was really nice of you... and, by goodness, where did you learn to cook like that?"

"My parents - my adopted ones - they taught me how to cook. Reg... well, he learned elsewhere."

Remus nodded, a smile slowly stretching his lips once more. He looked at Sirius and then to the floor.

"D'you think you could teach me sometime?"

Sirius' eyes widened. "Really?"

"Yeah... I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to but..." Remus cursed himself for acting like a shy twelve year old. Luckily for him, the grey-eyed man smiled and accepted. "Thank you."

Sirius shrugged then, in a bout of energy, grabbed Remus' hand and pulled him through to the living room. He raised a brow, but was given no answer until he was sat next to James and had the screen of the laptop pointing at him. He waved at the man on the screen, chatting with the guys until later that night, when Lily came back (she had been out shopping).

At around nine Remus grew tired and excused himself, 'retreating to his private chambers' as Regulus put it. 

Sleep came easier to him that night, for which he was grateful.


	15. - A Snapshot of Home Life -

With Lily coming up to her third month of pregnancy, she often found herself irritated and nauseous. Still, she considered herself lucky that she lived with two extremely considerate men... though sometimes she did want to throw things at one of them for his constant worrying and mollycoddling.

Still, she was grateful for the tasks they'd do to help her - not that she _really_ needed help at the moment, for she was still mobile and flexible enough to do what she needed to. Well, she was until she was hit by waves of nausea and dizziness but even then she would insist that she was in a fit enough state to finish her tasks.

Currently, she was sat with Remus and James in a very intense 'Trivia' game. It shouldn't have been as competitive as they made it, yet that was the case as Lily let slip some rather foul language, instructing a crude action toward a 'rolling donut', and the recipient of it, James, had taken to sulking but knew that there was no malice behind her words. Remus, however, was trying to stifle his laugh as the game got more intense. He, himself, was impressed at the competitive level of the game, considering it was a child's version of the thing.

_Buzz buzz._

"'Scuse me," Remus said as he picked up his phone from the table. A smile spread over his face before he typed something, then set it back onto the table.

James sent him a knowing smirk and Remus simply rolled his eyes at his friend; there was nothing to smirk like _that_ at. Yet, knowing James, there would always to smirk about. It was something Remus had grown accustomed to over the years he had known James, dating back to when they were sixteen when they first met... they had become instant friends and it was rare for them to be seen without each other in the rehab facility-- and if they weren't with each other then, then they would message and call the other. Then, when they could, they would meet and hang out for a day.

"That your lover-boy?" James asked after answering one of the set questions in the game.

" _No,_ " he scoffed. "I don't have a ' _lover_ - _boy._ "

The other man simply nodded and smirked, once more, as Remus stood and made for a door.

"I'm gonna go get some air."

"Make sure to tell your lover-boy I say hi."

Lily shook her head, "James!"

Her husband simply winked at her.

"Oh, whatever. Have fun, Remus... don't forget-- go to bed--"

" _Early_." Remus finished. "I know, Lily."

She smiled and waved at him as he left the room, then she turned to continue the game with James.


	16. - The Man -

Remus watched - oblivious to Lily and James' arguing in the background - the sky's crimson bleed into cerulean that was deeper in colour and depth than the ocean... Remus feared that if he looked at it for too long-- stared into the never-ending swirls of night, then he would drown and be lost to mankind. The sky was brutal like that. Of course, he knew that an incident like that could never happen because a person could not simply look up to the heavens and then be carried away by some winged divinity. He could wish, though. Perhaps if he thought hard enough then the sky could envelop him in the gentle caress of a mother cradling her child close after it fell and scraped its knee. He would like that. He would like to be swallowed by the nature that grew over all great things-- it was where people went when their earthly days were through, and it was where people went when they were sad. Nature was the greatest attraction on earth and had so many uses. It had served many and gone unnoticed by many.

The earth is bitter and dangerous. But, then again, so are humans-- they fight over land, rights, ethics and morals. People kill over sexuality, rations, land, colour and religion. The people are ridiculous in their claims and wants and allegations against each other, sending innocent people down to Hell and the guilty up in the world because they simply had the money that went straight to the pockets of _The Man_.

_Stick it to the Man,_ Remus thought angrily and pulled himself back into the guest room through the window, shivering from the evening chill as he inhaled the cold air. _Just stick it to the Man._


	17. - Invite -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long since I last updated! I was really busy with life and stuff, but now with it being half-term break I'll have some more time to write :D

The days were less hectic now that Lily had a routine of sorts that comforted her when she was particularly tetchy. Needless to say, it was easier for everyone in the house to exist then. _And_ James was taking everything rather well, considering he had been the one doing the most panicking; they all knew that he would probably get worse with that over the next few months but he'd adjust again-- that would be _his_ routine.

James and Lily were sat in front of Lily's phone, listening to it ring a few times before their call was answered. A rather groggy-sounding man spoke, _"Hello?"_

"Sirius, hi!" James said. "We wanted to ask you over on the thirtieth of this month."

 _"That's Lily's birthday-- I thought you two'd want to do something..."_ his response was rather suggestive and Lily rolled her eyes.

"That's a very good observation you've made, Sirius - we do want to do stuff, but we want you to join in."

A splutter on the other line.

"We want you to come over for dinner," James supplied as he sent a look to his wife, who he thought looked a little too proud of herself. He ruffled her hair. "Please say you'll come. _Please."_

 _"Okay, fine, I'll be there,"_ Sirius relented. _"What time?"_

"Yay!" James squealed like an excited schoolgirl. "We'll see you at five!"

 _"Okay,"_ the other man muttered, yawning, _"I want to go back to sleep now."_

"It's three in the afternoon," Lily drawled.

 _"Yes, well, somewhere it is three in the morning and I will honour that time by going to sleep now. Enjoy yourselves,"_ Sirius said before he hung up.

Lily rolled her eyes again, yawning as well. "He has a point. I might go for a nap... welcome Remus back from work for me if I'm still sleeping?"

"Of course, love. Now go have a nap and I'll busy myself."

Lily smiled, pulling him closer to give a gentle peck on the lips then moved to their room with her arms wrapped around herself. James smiled as he thanked God (or whoever was in charge) that he was married to such a wonderful, wonderful woman.


	18. - Dinner Conversation -

The thirtieth had rolled around rather quickly, bringing about Lily Evans-Potter's twentieth year alive. So, clutching a gift in one hand, Sirius used the other to lift and drop the bronze knocker on the door a few times. It was cold to the touch, which made Sirius scowl, but soon he'd be able to warm up again. He looked back to the parked car near the driveway and then back to the door just in time to see James open it, extending an arm in a dramatic gesture.

"Welcome, once more, to my humble abode."

" _Our_ ," Sirius heard Lily yell from a different room.

"Welcome to _our_ humble abode!" James corrected himself.

Sirius simply chuckled as he stepped into the house - he really thought it was a nice place... it was just so _James and Lily_. Sirius noted that there were many potted plants that had been 'welcome gifts' from when they had moved into the house at eighteen, having graduated from Hogwarts, but the reason for them was probably due to James and his tendencies to buy something because he thought it was pretty or it cheered him up. The walls were beige, but not the boring _'_ _stuffy old lady'_ beige that decorated the walls of one Druella Black, née Rosier's house. Currently, in the Potter's house, Sirius smiled at the feel of soft carpet beneath his feet after he had taken his shoes off. Then, to his left, hung a framed painting of some sunflowers that James and Lily had worked on together; to their right was the door that lead to the living room-- Sirius entered after James did and noted that the dining table had been brought into the centre of the room with its chairs around it. They were also wooden but with a comfortable leather cushion on the seat. In the middle of the table lay a few dishes that would hold hot things as to not burn the table. A smile graced his face.

"Take a seat," James said as he pulled out a chair for himself, sitting down on it. He smiled and pushed his glasses up to stop them falling off his face.

"Thanks."

Sirius set the present onto the table and then patted his jean-clad thighs-- he hadn't gone for an entirely smart look, but then neither had James. After all, it wasn't an event at the Ritz.

It was just then that Sirius noticed the heavenly scent coming through from the kitchen; chicken, vegetables and Yorkshire puddings. He could smell the gravy also, and his stomach let out a quiet grumble. Sirius thought that James was both blessed and cursed-- the blessing was that he was a _fantastic_ cook but the curse was that he could never get the timings right - which is why Lily hadn't come out to greet them, for she was in the kitchen making sure that everything was fine. She was mainly making sure that the vegetables weren't boiling dry, adding more water if need be, and checking that the chicken and Yorkshire puddings weren't being overcooked. That, Sirius thought, was _her_ blessing; she was both a fantastic cook and was spot on with cooking time.

Another door opened and Sirius glanced toward the newcomer, a smile lighting his features once more. Sirius was pleased to note that Remus looked a lot better than he had the last time he'd seen him - he was less twitchy and his eyes looked more awake. His hair was brushed out, which made the curls a little more fluffed out but still incredibly soft-looking. Still, he looked distracted as he worried a pendant that dangled from the gold necklace 'round his neck; Sirius couldn't tell what it actually was though.

A beat of silence.

"How are you?" Remus asked, addressing Sirius. The man had a distinctly _female_ musk about him and his appearance un-Sirius-like, but Remus tried to ignore it. He wasn't sure why he had such a heightened sense of smell. It bothered him.

"Fantastic, thank you! How's yourself?"

"Good. To both," another beat of silence. "I think I'll go and see how Lily's doing in the kitchen."

Sirius nodded, then watched Remus walk away. He shrugged and turned to look at James, who had his eyes narrowed as if he was trying to figure something out. Sirius started, "I'm sorry that I can't stay long... Ophelia made some last minute plans."

"Ophelia?" James asked. "And don't worry 'bout it, mate. All that matters is that you came."

"Yeah, she's the - um - she's the girl I've been seeing... since the New Year."

James nodded, "Shakespearean."

Before anything else could be said on the matter, the smell of food got stronger and James cast his vision toward his wife and friend carrying everything through. The two seated men stood up and helped as well as they could without burning themselves. The ginger was incredibly thankful for that, as she was afraid that the weight and heat of a bowl would become too much for her. Then, when everything was set out on the table and the group of friends were sat, Lily cleared her throat.

"As you all know, I'm pregnant," she started. "What we asked you here for wasn't just to celebrate my birthday. We, well, we had an appointment today and we've found out the sex."

Remus smiled, ready for the news, and Sirius gasped - it was clear that he was _very_ excited. "Well? What is it?"

James grinned, "A boy. We're having a baby boy."

It seemed that, in that moment, James had grown-- not _physically_ but mentally. He still had a boyish youth about him and an immaturity, but he looked ready to be a father. It was certainly something that stole Sirius' breath.

"I'll have a little nephew!" Sirius exclaimed.

A beat of silence.

James reached and took Sirius' hand, gently, and inhaled. Sirius looked at him, puzzled. "James...?"

"Sirius, we'd really love it if you'd be his Godfather."

Somehow, unsure of the actual physical side of it, Sirius' smile widened further than they all thought humanly possible. Remus felt his own smile widen at the sight-- he saw Lily turn to look at him, now. Her smile was softer than James', barely there, and she took Remus' hand in her own.

"Remus... James and I are moving - our doctor suggested that it would be a lot more beneficial if we raised the baby in a more stress-free environment--" she paused at the look on Remus' face. "No, you don't contribute to that-- You know how these streets are and the traffic along these parts."

He nodded but the reason for why they were moving out wasn't much of a concern - he understood that much. Remus couldn't expect them to raise a baby in this house, as nice as it was, but he was worried about what would happen to _him._

"It's a lovely place in Lavenham called Godric's Hollow. It's got a low crime rate... very few incidents and it's a lovely neighborhood. The point is we, um, we've already started making payments for it."

Remus nodded, so did Sirius, and bit the inside of his cheek. Sirius asked, "When are you moving?"

"Five months," Lily answered. "That way, it'd leave a month for this little guy to be born and we'd have enough time to get to know the house and the area."

"Oh," was all Sirius said.

Lily's lips pressed into a tight line as she focused back on Remus' face. She sighed, "We aren't going to turn you out, Remus. We're very well aware of how cruel that would be so we thought that maybe you'd like to carry on living here."

"I--"

"Well, you already know this house really well and you're comfortable here-- it would be less stress on your part as well."

"I-I'd love to stay here."

Lily's smile widened again and she squeezed Remus' hand again. " _Fantastic_! We were hoping you'd say that so we, uh, we have some paperwork so if you'd take him to do that?"

James nodded, standing. Remus followed him out of the room. Sirius watched them leave.

"Happy birthday, Lily. I'm really happy for you two... look at you adulting."

"Thank you, Sirius. I-I'm really happy with James... I see what you saw in him back in school... thank you."

Sirius smiled and stood to make his way over to her. He gave her a hug, also taking one of the boiled potatoes from the hot pan to munch on; Lily giggled.

"It isn't a problem, _Lily_ - _Pad_."

The ginger rolled her eyes and shook her head. Her stomach gave a rumble and she also grabbed a potato to eat while the others were busy signing things in the other room. She noticed that Sirius' eyes were trained on the door.

"Whatcha looking at?"

"I... it feels like Remus is still mad at me-- or at least uncomfortable around me and I don't know what I did-- is it from the party? Did I--"

"I'll have to stop you there, Sirius; Remus can't bring himself to stay angry at anyone for too long (unless you're his father). I wouldn't worry about it... he's just coming down from something and he's had to make a lot of changes to his life. Now another one's coming up."

Sirius nodded, lifting the potato to his mouth again, "So I haven't..."

"No. Good Heavens, no. He's just a little - what's the word? - edgy right now. He'll be back to himself in no time... I also recall him mentioning how much of a good cook you are, as well." Lily threw in a wink. 

"Oh, shove off."

The woman smiled and shrugged, "You should give him that class sometime. Well, not class-- teach him how to cook!"

"Yeah, uh, it isn't something that can be taught," Sirius joked, giving a dramatic delivery.

Lily rolled her eyes and finished the rest of the potato she was holding; twenty more minutes passed and then Remus and James came back into the room. Remus was opening and closing his hand with a pained expression on his face.

"What happened to you?" Lily asked?

"This cretin here," Remus pointed to James. "Dropped that heavy lamp on my hand."

Sirius huffed a laugh; of course James did that. "Poor Moony's fingers."

"Yeah, James. Poor Moony's fingers," Remus repeated, though he smiled. "At least it wasn't on my right hand. I wouldn't be able to write 'nd sketch if that was the case."

James gave Remus a pointed look, receiving a mildly affronted one back. Remus said, "They're all swollen and red like little pigs."

This set off Sirius, who nearly fell off his chair as he wheezed and threw his head back.

"I don't understand," Remus whispered, looking rather afraid. "What-- why'd he break?"

"The pigs!" Sirius laughed. "James do you remember the-- do you remember the pigs?"

Then it was James' turn to laugh, and soon enough both men were chuckling and muttering about the creatures. Remus started to fear for their sanity. He'd heard James stifle a giggle before when pigs were mentioned but never really asked about it; he supposed it was just like how he found the word _nose_ funny. Of course, now that Sirius was laughing too, that theory was probably going to be disproved.

"Lily, what's happened to them?"

Ever the sane and tired one of the group, Lily told Remus, "When we were in school - in Year Twelve - Sirius, James, Marlene, and their old friend Peter decided that it would be a good idea to unleash pigs on the school."

"Um?"

"It-- it gets better!" James interrupted.

"Okay," Remus nodded and focused on Lily again.

"These boys decided that it would be a marvellous idea to _somehow_ buy four pigs and, in bright paint, write '1', '2', '4', and '5'. It was chaos because none of the teachers - or students - could find that third pig. Marlene started a rumour that she'd seen it in the pool just to scare the Year Seven students. It was... well... pretty funny actually."

Remus chuckled and glanced at the men, who now sat looking rather proud of the act.

"It took them three months to realise that there was no third pig."

"Wow," Remus said.

"Yes. Now, with that, let's eat!" James declared.

So they ate and laughed. In all honesty, the group did a very good job of cleaning off the plates as they reminisced and wished Lily a happy birthday, inevitably singing the song at a volume the neighbors wouldn't appreciate if it had been any later in the day.

Eventually, Sirius asked, "What's the time?"

"Um," Lily pulled her phone from a pocket. "Quarter-to seven. How come?"

"I've got someone in the car... I promised I'd be out by twenty-to. I'm really sorry for having to leave."

"All that matters is that you came," Lily said and smiled as she stood to hug him.

He gave Lily a sweet hug and James was subjected to a kiss on the cheek and a very rough hair ruffle, but he wasn't all that bothered. Then he looked at Remus, who only offered a smile - he was glad to take it - and then turned to head for the exit.

"Thank you for inviting me tonight. Best of luck."

They smiled, and then the front door was closed. The trio glanced at the dishes that lay on the table and huffed, deciding that they would clean it up in the morning. It was suggested that they went to lie down, which they did, and it was rather fortunate that sleep came easily to them, for it meant that Remus wouldn't have to spend more time thinking of Sirius and and how he smelled of a woman's perfume, with his lips stained a little pinker than usual as if he was secondhand wearing lipstick. Remus sighed and closed his eyes, drifiting into a restless sleep with the ghost sound of Sirius laughing about pigs whispering into his ear.


	19. - Meeting Ophelia -

The living room seemed to be where all the 'action' was on the very dreary evening of Febuary third, housing Lily, James and Remus, who were waiting for two more people. Two days ago, James decided to invite Sirius and Ophelia over to meet her officially and the woman had agreed to come-- she was supposed to be there at six pm.

Currently, James' face was being treated by Lily after he'd been attacked at work. His cheek was darker with a very unflattering bruise and the skin had been broken on his lip, chin, cheek and nose. Water dripped into his eye again and he huffed, earning a glare from Lily-- de'd returned home only twenty minutes prior and was stopped by his wife, who complained that it wasn't fair how he couldn't reciprocate any actions, and ordered to have a shower before she cleaned his wounds properly ("Because Heaven knows you couldn't do it yourself, James.")

Remus lay, sprawled, over the floor. His eyes were half-closed and he fiddled with a bandage that Lily had used to secure an adhesive free dressing in place to cover an allergic reaction, preventing him from doing further damage to his already broken skin. The fabric was irritating him but he couldn't remove it; he didn't want to aggravate his would (or Lily) any further. He yawned and gave up on the fiddling, pulling his too-large jumper sleeve down, then looked at the clock that hung somewhere in James and Lily's direction. It was only five twenty-five so, making himself comfortable on the floor Remus commented that he was going to have a nap.

Lily never looked away from James' face as she started to clean the cut on his cheek again (it had opened back up while he was in the shower) before applying a few Steri-Strips to the wound. "You'll stay awake, Remus Lupin-- you've been asleep nearly all day."

"Ugh."

"Do you want to sleep tonight?" Lily asked.

Remus nodded, sighing, and occupied himself for twenty-five minutes (which mostly consisted of watching Parrot videos) until the doorbell rang.

"Remus, would you get that?" Lily asked - she was still sorting James out.

"Sure," he shrugged and stood to answer the door. His elbow cracked as he reached forward to pull the door open. His jeans were tight around his legs and were actually rather uncomfortable.

Remus smiled at the couple in front of him, and found himself analysing the woman. He couldn't deny that she had a nice face, even before he knew her name-- she _did_ look like a woman fit to be in a Shakespearean Tragedy; her black hair was soft and wavy - it was tied in a high ponytail and had been wet from the rain. It contrasted almost perfectly to her olive-tanned skin and, had it been down, would have framed her delicate-looking face. Her jawline was sharp but her other features were soft and youthful, and her hazel eyes shone with mirth.

"Come in," Remus said, trying not to yawn.

Sirius nodded and stepped in, leading Ophelia in as well. He was wearing the leather jacket he'd received in December, a black shirt that hung from him and some tight black jeans, not too dissimilar from Remus'.

"I like your jumper," Sirius told Remus as they passed him.

"Thanks. It's my exe's."

 _That was awkward, Remus_.

Sirius laughed it off and shrugged, his eyes widening when he saw James. "Jamie! What happened?"

"He was attacked at work, that's what happened," Lily grumbled as she turned to put the Steri-Strip and wipe wrappers in the bin, and then the bloodied ones in a different one. She stood, excusing herself from the room to wash her hands.

"I'm James," he said as he did a little wave. "That's my wife Lily."

"Yep, that's me," Lily nodded as she returned, holding a hand out to Ophelia to shake politely. "Nice to meet you."

"You, too," Ophelia flashed another smile.

There was an awkward shuffle and soon enough everybody was sat comfortably; Sirius with Ophelia, Lily with James, and Remus on his own.

They found that Ophelia was kind and had fantastic manners which James and Lily accepted, though James wasn't _fond_ of her. Remus thought that Ophelia was a decent person and didn't seem rude or manipulative toward Sirius in any way-- Remus hated her. Granted, yes, he was probably just jealous but there was just an irrational hatred for the woman.

"Remus," Ophelia said and broke him from his thoughts. "What do you do for a living?"

"I work in a bookshop-- what about you?"

"Didn't you hear her earlier?" Sirius asked. His brows were furrowed and he looked at Remus, confsed. "She works in the South London branch of Fortescue's Ice Cream shop."

"Sorry. I must have missed that," Remus' lips formed a tight line. "I-is it nice there?"

Then he laughed. "Sorry, again. Nice n-ice... I, uh, I'll stop embarrassing myself."

Ophelia's smile tightened. "Quite. And the bookshop?"

"Quite."

Remus could tell from then on that Ophelia wasn't fond of him which he didn't mind because he didn't exactly like her either.

Then he found himself watching as James pulled Lily so she sat in between his spread legs with her back against his chest, and he watched Sirius pull Ophelia - a ridiculous couple name, like two from a children's book about magic and love - closer and kiss her once, twice, three times.

Remus couldn't watch that anymore and stood abruptly, wrapping his arms around himself. "I have to run out, I'm sorry."

James looked up at Remus, brows furrowed and lips pulled into a line. Then he asked, "Where to?"

"The shops."

"But it's raining?" James asked more than told.

"Well, then, I'll take the car."

To anyone who wasn't James or Lily, Remus would have come across as rude in the way he was speaking to them. They knew he wasn't, though, for that was the tone he would use when he was stressed or just needed some time to breathe.

"Okay, well come back soon, yeah? And make sure to take a coat."

"Always do," Remus said. He walked out, forgetting his coat completely.


	20. - Josef (Part One) -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Fleeting mention of drug use. Blink and you'll miss it.
> 
> I am so sorry that this chapter is a little bit wonky - I had to uninstall Wattpad for a little while and when I logged back on, my previous edits had been deleted so I've had to redo this one completely as I just wasn't happy with it. The next few chapters haven't been as affected because I only made minor edits to them! 
> 
> Thank you for sticking with this!

Remus didn't take the car like he said he would, and he definitely _wasn't_ going to the shops like he said he was. James probably knew that, though.

However, where Remus _was_ going, he knew he probably shouldn't have been. No, scratch that, Remus _definitely_ shouldn't have been travelling to where he was. After all he was breaking a promise, but he just wanted to feel something - something he wouldn't be able to back with Sirius, Ophelia, Lily and James, as lovely as _most_ of them were.

As he walked, the rain pelted and continues its assault until his clothes stuck to his body and his hair hung in wet, straggly curls down his face and neck. He wasn't bothered by this; his only goal was to get to the location he had in mind, desperate for _something..._ and when he arrived he knocked firmly on the dark blue door before him. Soon enough, it was opened and a tanned man, slightly darker than Ophelia and in his mid-twenties, stepped out. He brought his hand up to his blue hair, a very similar shade to his front door, and smiled as he figured out who was standing in front of him. His eyes were momentarily able to scan over Remus' rain-soaked body before two hands were on his face pulling him closer to the younger of the two. Remus' cold lips were met by the other's warm ones, his enthusiasm gladly reciprocated as hands were on his waist, pulling him into the house. Then, when they were in, Remus kicked the front door closed with his knee before groaning as he pressed the blue-haired man against the wall, his hand trailing under the other's shirt. He shivered and pulled away.

"Remus, you're freezing. Go have a shower and if you're still cold I'll find a way to warm you up."

He nodded and without any complaint, headed up the stairs after removing his shoes, then found the bathroom-- he stripped off his wet clothes immediately and found some spare hangers, putting them on the metal objects, and then stepped into the shower. He closed the glass door now behind him and turned on the water, adjusting the temperature to his liking.

When he was warm enough he looked around for a shampoo, only finding a coconut and lychee scented one. He shrugged and poured some into his hand, then massaged it into his hair, and finally rinsed it under the showerhead. Finally, he used some body wash and then stepped out and dried himself off using the towel that was folded by the side (relatively new-looking), then wrapped it 'round his waist and sighed, acknowledging, once more, the bandage on his arm - it was dripping wet and uncomfortable. Remus shook his head and went around the house to find its owner, finally settling for calling, "Josef?"

The man, Josef, exited the kitchen. He wore a lopsided grin as he walked up to Remus, placing his hands on Remus' waist once more.

"May I borrow some clothes?"

"'Course! Just--" His brows furrowed and he pulled away from Remus, looking down to his arm. "What happened?"

"Allergic reaction... used the wrong lotion this morning and _pow_ big rash and broken skin."

"Keeping that wet bandage on it will make it worse, love."

"Can't take it off," Remus muttered. "Lily'll have a go."

"Not if you took it off because of the rain."

Josef smirked at Remus and brought him closer again but barely pressed his lips against Remus', drawing a whine from his throat.

"Come on. We're gonna get you into some clothes because you feel really cold."

Josef took Remus' hand and started walking, moving up the stairs. The two reached Josef's bedroom and its owner headed to the closet immediately-- he pulled out an oversized blue jumper and some black boxer shorts, then handed them to Remus. "Put these on. I don't know if I'll have any trousers that'll fit you," he paused. "You're short."

Remus pouted. "I'm _six, two._ "

"'n I'm six four-and-a-half. My trousers won't fit you."

Remus simply huffed and pulled on the underwear under the towel that was wrapped around his waist and then peeled off the bandage, putting it into the bin that he'd been told to, and then pulled on the jumper; a yelp of surprise left him as Josef removed the towel that still lay around his waist.

Then, once again, Josef took hold of Remus' hand and lead him through the house, depositing the used towel in a towel bin to wash it later, and as they passed the bathroom Josef grinned.

"You put them on hangers already."

"It's how you like it."

Josef hummed in agreement and stopped abruptly, shocking Remus as he pulled him so that he had his front against the younger's back. He leant and whispered into Remus' ear, "You know a lot about what I like, but I also know a lot about what you like... and what _you're_ like--" Josef watched Remus tilt his head to the left, exposing his neck, and licked a long, slow stripe up it. "'Fess up - you'd only be here if you wanted something."

Remus didn't say anything at first, even as Josef's thumb trailed over his lower lip and dark chocolate eyes bore into his honey ones, until Josef's other hand travelled _somewhere else_ entirely.

"You're right," Remus whispered

"I thought so," Josef whispered, smile almost one that a person would use when they were disappointed. He said nothing else on the matter though, only looking at Remus every so often. "I-I can't give you what you want, though."

"There's two things I want."

"Any chance one of those two things is heroin?" Josef asked.

Remus sighed and rubbed his face, "You won't give me any?"

"'Fraid not. What's the other thing you want?"

Josef truly did want Remus to get better and to get clean and Remus knew that. He bit his lip and said, without hesitation, "I wanna be yours."

"Oh," he whispered. He wasn't expecting that.

Remus nodded and glanced at him. "Can I be?"

"Y-yes."

As if Remus already knew that Josef would say yes, he grinned and pulled him in closer so their hips touched and their breath mingled. Josef, however, hadn't been expecting _any_ of this to happen so when Remus' hands ghosted over his behind and his chest, a pleasured sound escaped past his full lips and a grin of his own lighted his features as Remus took a hold of his hand and lead them to Josef's bedroom.

From there it had been a bit of a blur - a pleasurable blur - filled mainly by the sweet sounds of their passion and the feel of skin on skin, lips warm against any area they could find, and then - when they were finished - Remus lay with his eyes half-closed next to Josef.

"You okay?" Josef asked softly.

"Yeah... I'm a little bit tired."

"Have a nap. I'll still be here when you wake up."

So he did-- he relaxed and settled with his head on Josef's chest and allowed his mind to quieten down as the sound of a heartbeat lulled him to sleep.


	21. - Josef (Part Two) -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, a content warning for a mention of drugs and getting high but no usage in this chapter.
> 
> Thank you for reading this! I am so sorry that updates take a while!

Of course the first reaction to waking up in a bed that wasn't his own was to panic-- after all, that in itself wasn't a common occurrence. Yet, as he felt the grounding weight of an arm across his waist, hot skin against his back and lips pressing softly to the crown of his head, Remus knew that he was safe. It wasn't long before coconut and lychee made him more alert to who holding him.

"Heya, Sleeping Beauty."

"Jo!" Remus woke up a little more and turned properly to face the man.

"Mm, Remmy," Josef hummed, smiling warmly at him. " _My_ Remmy."

A light blush spread over Remus' cheeks before he pressed his face into the other man's neck while he yawned. Then, when he went to sit up, the room started to spin; Josef sat up too, pulling Remus closer, and whispered concerned _a_ _re you okay's?_

"Just a little dizzy. 'M fine."

"Come on, babe."

Remus quirked a brow. "Where are we g'win?"

"Shh."

Soon Josef had pulled Remus, gently, out of bed and had them both dressed in a matter of a few minutes, and even with Remus' grunts of protest, got them downstairs. In no time at all, Josef had prepared a bowl of Ready Brek and placed it in front of the tired man.

"Golden syrup?" Josef asked. "Or honey?"

Remus screwed his face up, folding his arms over the kitchen counter. "'S too early to make me choose."

"Rem, baby, it's ten o' clock at night."

"Still too early."

Josef chuckled lowly, breath coming out in a huff. "Both, then?"

Always the sucker for a sweet taste after sleeping for hours, Remus nodded. "I'd appreciate it-- ugh, d'you have any paracetamol?"

Josef looked up and stopped squeezing the bottle of Golden Syrup. "Why? What's wrong?"

"Just my head," he said and rested it over his arms, blocking out any light.

Josef just hummed and spooned some honey onto the porridge, then slid it in front of Remus. "Come on, have something to eat-- you probably just need some food in you, and, wow, how do you eat this rubbish? Speaking of which, have you been eating well recently?"

"Mhm," Remus agreed as he looked up and repositioned himself so he could eat. "Three times a day now I'm with James and Lily-- they force-fed me once. Th-they care."

Josef watched Remus eat a few spoonfuls and then turned around to find some bread, which he put into the toaster fairly quickly. "It's good that they care," he said. "I'm glad that you're spending time with people who are good for you."

Remus nodded and swallowed some more of the warm snack. "I think so, too."

There was a beat of silence before Josef turned back to look at Remus, leaning against the counter fairly casually. "They don't like me."

"It's not that... they think that you're a, um, a lovely person but--"

"They don't trust me - and for good reason, too," he paused. "No. Don't look at me like that - you know it's true."

"They just... they--"

"It's natural," Josef sighed and waved a dismissive hand. "I'm a dealer, Remus. I can't expect them to like me, given our history."

Remus sighed and looked down, his cheek making contact with the spoon that hung from his hand, dangling above his bowl. Josef shook his head and bit his lip while Remus thought of something to say and, when he did, he looked back up with a determined fire in his eyes; Josef simply giggled.

"What," Remus snapped. "What is so funny right now?"

"Someone is _grumpy_ when they wake up, aren't they?" Josef pushed himself off the counter he rested on and leant over the one Remus was situated at, reaching to grip his chin with his forefinger and thumb to tilt his head up. "Relax."

"Tell me what you were laughing at."

Josef leant in closer, "You had Ready Brek on your cheek."

"Had?" Remus started, pleasantly surprised when he felt Josef's tongue dart out to lick the breakfast (or night time) 'meal' from his cheek, and soon began placing small open-mouthed kisses over Remus' face.

"You're beautiful," Josef said - it felt completely out of place in that moment but that didn't stop Remus from feeling good about it. He blushed as Josef kissed a scar from its base to its tip, complimenting him until his lips met Remus'. Even though he hated the secondhand _Ready Brek_ taste he still allowed his tongue to meet Remus' that was a position they stayed in for a while longer until they were startled by the toaster popping the toast out. Then, unwillingly, Josef pulled back to retrieve his toast and squeeze a dollop of raspberry jam onto his toast. Remus couldn't stand raspberry jam. Lord, his head hurt.

"Could I _please_ get some painkillers?"

Josef looked up from the toast he'd started to raise to his mouth. "Remus," he started. "I don't want you to become dependant on--"

"I'm not becoming dependant on _anything_!"

Josef took a chunk from his toast, then set it down on a paper napkin. "Fine. Tell me why you came here then."

A beat.

"I-I wanted to feel."

"'Nd how did you want to go about that?" Josef's eyebrow was raised.

Silence.

"Drugs?" Josef asked. "I'm not- I'm not going to be your dealer anymore, Rem. I--"

"Then I'll get high somewhere else," Remus, once again, snapped.

The other man visibly bristled at this, having to grip onto the counter ledge and rock back and forth on his feet to calm himself. Then, he said, lowly, "No you won't."

"Ye--"

Josef stared into Remus' eyes with some fierce determination that didn't even break through and play with his ever-steady vocals. "I don't trust others around this area. I'll not risk you getting hurt by them."

"You aren't risking anything."

He inhaled - Remus was right in the sense that Josef, personally, wasn't risking anything but in the emotional sense he was. If Remus got hurt, Josef wouldn't know what to do. He just sighed, resigned, "I guess you're right-- but please don't."

A nod.

Aware, but not really bothered, that this was probably the wrong time Josef caressed Remus' cheek with his hand, varying from the rough touches he'd used earlier. "Can I kiss you?" he asked. Perhaps it was the determination in Josef's voice or the flare in his eyes. Then, at Josef's nod, Remus leant in and closed the gap between them, but as soon as Josef's tongue swiped his lips and gained entrance to his mouth he pulled back. Josef tilted his head.

"'S just that I could taste the raspberry on your tongue."

"Right. Sorry," Josef said. "Eat your Ready Brek."

The way he shrunk down wasn't hard to miss, especially because he looked sad at the same time. Still, he respected that Remus was easily freaked out about some things and he wouldn't set out to change anything about the man. He just finished his toast and put his napkin into the bin and then cleaned the counter of any crumbs or jam using an antibacterial spray and a kitchen roll piece - he just _hated_ mess.

"Jo," Remus began after he'd eaten the snack that had been made for him. "Can I stay the night?"

He raised a brow.

"No, not like that. Well, maybe like tha... I just-- I don't want to go back right now. Plus it's dark."

"I could drive you back?" Josef offered but Remus shook his head.

"D'you have a phone I can use? I'll let someone know I'm not going back tonight."

"'Course. Let me go and fetch it. You can head up to my room or the spare if you like while I get... Remus, what--"

The man had wrapped him in a hug quicker than Josef was expecting and caused him to stumble a little.

"Thank you," was all he said before letting go to let Josef go for the phone - to busy himself, he washed the bowl that had his snack in. Then, he cleaned the counter. There wasn't really much _to_ do while he waited so he headed to Josef's room and was relieved when Josef came in with a phone in hand.

"Here," he said. "Want me to stay while you make the call?"

"Uh-huh. Please."

So he did.

Remus dialled a number, asking if he could put it on speaker, and at Josef's permission he did.

_"Hello?"_

"Sirius, hi. I--"

_"Blimey, mate. Sorry, James and Lily were getting anxious - they tried calling you but they found your phone in your room."_

"That's be because I forgot to bring my phone, Sirius," Remus looked at Josef and gave a half smile before he moved and sat on his lap, straddling him and using his left arm to keep close to the man. He yawned. "Are you still with them?"

_"Yeah, I'_ _ve_ _just gone out back for a smoke though. Do you want me to get them?"_

"No. No thank you. Um, when this call's over could you tell James and Lily that I've got somewhere to stay for the night?"

_"Sure I can."_

"Thank you," Remus heard Sirius put his phone down, presumably as he stubbed a cigarette and put it into an ash tray, then wash his hands, and looked at Josef. He pulled the man closer and kissed his lips briefly but didn't allow Josef more than a simple lips-closed one because he didn't want to taste the jam on Josef's tongue. A hand went to his thigh and another tilted his head, giving Josef access to Remus' neck as he liked it. His tongue darted out to taste him and elicit a gasp.

"You can be quiet?" Josef asked as he returned his mouth to his neck with a raise of his eyebrows, challenging him. Remus, of course, knew that there would be no sexual business going on right then so he wasn't worried but that didn't mean that Josef would be fair. He liked to challenge Remus in the strangest ways for the sole reason being that he found it funny, and Remus was always fun to play with when he was tired and clinging to him like a koala bear.

_"Hey, I'm back,"_ Sirius said. _"D'_ _ya_ _need anything else?"_

Remus hissed as Josef's teeth scraped his neck.

_"Are you alright?"_

"Yeah!" Remus answered far too quickly for anybody's liking. Josef pinched his thigh in some sort of warning and Remus muted his yelp in Josef's shoulder.

_"Okay then..."_ Sirius' unconvinced voice travelled through the speaker. _"Did you get what you needed?"_

"Sorry?"

_"From the shops? Did you get what you needed?"_

"I'm the shops now?" Josef whispered into Remus' ear, punctuating it by nibbling on the lobe. Remus whined, forgetting himself for a moment, and pressed further against Josef.

_"Remus?"_

"Sorry. I-yeah, I-I did. 'M sorry... just tired."

_"I'_ _ll_ _let you go now... wait, who's phone are you using?"_

"Sorry?"

_"This_ _isn_ _'t your number. Are you with someone?"_

"Yeah. A girl I know let me stay over for the night-- I'm gonna have to go now because the battery is about to--" Remus hung up on Sirius.

Josef raised an eyebrow. "Wanna tell me what that was about?"

Remus shook his head and snuggled further onto Josef and buried his face in his neck. He pressed a few kisses to the skin there and then relaxed his grip a little.

"You sure?"

Remus whined and then bit Josef's neck softly. "There was a new person over there-- I don't like new people."

"You liked _me_ ," Josef pointed out. "I was new."

"Yeah," Remus licked a stripe up Josef's neck to just below his ear. "But I was seven and you were nearly thirteen-- I thought you were cool."

" _Oh_?" Josef hissed as Remus nodded, sucking a purple bruise onto the man.

"Yeah, you with your longer hair and-- and interesting style."

Josef laughed. "You flatter me "

"I certainly hope so," Remus shifted his position a little to get more comfortable. He was vaguely aware of how childish he was being-- that it was immature to get jealous over something as miniscule as a new relationship He sounded like an impotent two year-old who had decided to pout because someone else called his friend _their_ best friend. Stupid _Ophelia_... coming and claiming Sirius as _hers._

Josef lay at Remus' command, surrendering anf offering his body so readily to Remus. He shivered, "You'll tell me everything eventually though - _ah_ \- right?"

"Yeah," Remus paused to trail his hand over Josef. "'Course I will."

Though, hazy as he was with bliss as Remus' tongue ran over him while his hands expertly explored and trailed across his skin, Josef knew that Remus was lying. Perhaps he could bring himself to believe him and trust him blindly as he had done before.

_'Course he will._


	22. - Return -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! I'm so sorry about the slow updates - I've been really busy with school because I went back in person this week so I haven't had as much time to write as I usually would. Someone in my year group tested positive so we have to isolate for ten days which, hopefully, gives me some more time to write! 
> 
> Sorry about how short this chapter is, too. It's more of a filler before some proper 'action' happens. Thank you to those who are sticking with this despite the slow updates and technical issues! You're all amazing!
> 
> I'll stop rambling now and present to you chapter twenty-two of 'The Numbness of Being'.

Closing the front door behind him as gently as possible, Remus slipped into Lily and James' place. His hopes to be undetected were squished instantly as a very alert James Potter ambushed him, not allowing a word in until he'd finished interrogating him of his whereabouts the previous night-- still, Remus considered himself lucky that Lily hadn't been there too - she was at work - because she definitely would have mentioned the Coconut and Lychee scented shampoo. Again, considering himself lucky, Remus thanked whoever was in charge of the universe that James had not commented on it. No... instead James chose to comment on the suspicious marks that littered his friends neck, the smallest smirk on his face; it seemed that James was rather proud of Remus for 'getting some' but irritated that he hadn't updated them on his whereabouts. But before James could ask for any details (because, let's face it, he would), Sirius rounded the corner with a grin on his face - it changed when he saw Remus, though. It made him feel uneasy.

"Hello," Sirius nodded. "I heard James talking to someone so I came to see."

Remus managed a firm _hello_ before he turned his attention back to James as if to ask what he was supposed to do but, of course, James being James, he shrugged and wandered off to the kitchen.

"Looks like you had a busy night with that girl," Sirius smirked - it was strangely similar to James' own. "I'd hide those if I were you when you go to work."

Remus nodded awkwardly as he moved past Sirius, needing to move otherwise his legs would fall asleep. He was surprised when Sirius spoke up. He remarked, "Coconut shampoo," his eyebrows rose before they fell again. "Wouldn't have taken you for a coconut guy at all-- you showered there."

"It was raining pretty heavily when I got there."

There was a nod, then a beat of silence. Sirius stared intently at Remus' neck for a second before he brought his attention back to his eyes. "James was worried about you."

"I'm sorry."

"Said something about getting yourself into trouble. I told him that it was probably nothing but I--"

"Don't worry yourself with it, Sirius," Remus interjected. His tone was surprisingly stern - it certainly stopped Sirius from talking. "I needed something from the shops but by the time I got out it was raining too heavily to think about coming back - especially as I forgot to take my phone _and_ the car - so I stopped off at my friend's place. She lived a little ways away from where I was. I showered there, hence the shampoo."

He truthfully hadn't meant to sound _so_ defensive - it just slipped out. Perhaps it was because he was afraid of what Sirius would say if he knew the truth-- he wouldn't care about the whole Remus-kissing-a-bloke thing but if je found out he was there for drugs? Sirius nodded in response, silent for a while as he averted his gaze. _I didn't mean to irritate him,_ he thought. _Maybe I should change the subject._

"Ophelia liked meeting you," he tried.

"It was nice meeting--" Remus faked a yawn, Sirius could tell. "--Her too. Sorry, I think I'll head to bed for a nap... didn't get much sleep last night."

That was a lie, but he'd rather lie to Sirius than talk about Ophelia. He did a small wave before he retreated to the guest room, leaving Sirius standing in the hallway.

"Yeah... okay."


End file.
